Quite often I find myself on Pinterest pinning on a special board titled the “Obligatory Wedding Compilation” and I have caught some of my close friends talking about what pins are on their “Dream Wedding” boards on Pinterest. I think as women we imagine a fantasy of what we feel our perfect wedding will be from a very young age. The perfect, expensive designer dress,who your bridesmaids will be, the colors you’ll choose and more… Which can be healthy and unhealthy depending on the woman combined with her goals she is executing while she’s growing mentally and emotionally into her “final form”: a perfect mate.
In my eyes marriage and children will come once you truly are comfortable with yourself, your career and have found why you were placed on this planet. Maybe that’s a hippie’s way of thinking, some of my friend’s call me a hippie. But, realistically I believe the universe aligns specific things, actions and people into your life when you’re ready. I’m a free spirit and a womanist so my views on love, marriage and children are a bit unconventional
As women we are known to be nurturers and also emotional beings. Men are known for their issues with expressing themselves emotionally and for only settling down when they believe they’ve found the right one. Yet, this isn’t unrealistic, we are constantly badgered with films, songs and more methods of media depicting love. In my eyes, marriage is a big step for a woman and a man, yet I accept the fact that some individuals don’t see marriage as depicting the end result of what love equates to.
Divorce rates have spiked since my parent’s generation has been getting older and I think it’s due to the many changes society has gone through: a shift in dynamics of what is important and what isn’t. Marriage to me is a beautiful thing but I think that the millennial generation has a deep issue with dating and commitment. The issues we have are with expressing ourselves correctly emotionally, being honest, shifting of dating roles and the legitimacy of what intimacy is. Due to these issues marriage is getting harder and harder to see as a realistic goal in this generation.
Yet, even with these factors as barriers, I do believe that there is a woman out there for every man and vice versa (as well as woman-woman and man-man). Also, I think that there is nothing wrong with women approaching men they are interested in dating or getting to know. Some men in my eyes are intimidated at times of the aura, personality and whole being of women so at times, they are discouraged from approaching her. A shift in power dynamics is necessary for men and woman to understand with the millennial generation and dating patterns.
So called “independent women” are present on many HBCU campuses, colleges and universities nationwide. There are many women who bury themselves in their schoolwork and later in life, since their love life is nonexistent; they bury themselves in their career. It’s safe to say that not every woman wants to get married. But I know that I would love to enter that level of intimacy with an individual I will be spending the rest of my life with. Most women want to be loved, appreciated and contribute to a household emotionally and financially. These are some of my “wants”. Yet, it’s necessary for women to understand that we cannot be so caught up in finding the perfect mate, by doing so we forget to find ourselves first.
Finding yourself and understanding what your passions are, are beautiful things. On this journey you’ll gain and lose friends plus work many different jobs leading to finding a career you’re passionate about. Finding what makes you happy will be a fulfilling thing. I’m currently on this journey, yet, I understand that men can sometimes be a distraction on this journey.
So, basically I don’t think there is a concrete path that women must follow in order to find a perfect mate. Being you will get you noticed and following your passions will eventually lead you to that person who is meant for you. So ladies, keep working on those Pinterest boards but keep working on the real you as well.
Love & Light.