In highschool, I used to wonder if I was the only girl who masturbated. I really can’t tell if any other girls do either or if I’m still weird? I’ve just never really liked sex, does that make me weird? I’m really afraid that it’s going to be weird if I eventually start dating someone and tell them I do.
Dear aeg,
First, I want to thank you for submitting such a raw and real question. I’m happy to give you advice and hope your openness and willingness will rub off on others!
Second, you are NOT weird. I can guarantee you that you’re not the only one of your friends who does. Most women are embarrassed to admit that they do or that they’ve tried to because it seems to be taboo for women to masturbate even though it’s more than normal for men to. I think the reason why women don’t admit it is because society has put men and women in certain boxes. Men love sex and women love romance. If you think about society, men congratulate men when they’ve slept around or their number is above a certain target. However, women often shame women for having multiple partners and being sexually active. In contrast to that, men often tease men for being in love and women are overjoyed by women who experience unbelievable romance. So, I believe that this shame behind female masturbation comes from the negative connotation that women are not supposed to love sex; only men are.
Owning your sexuality is the farthest thing from shameful. To you and every girl out there, masturbation is normal and good for you. If you are driving your car, you want to know how to fill up the tank and put it in drive. If you masturbate you know how to put it in “drive” so to speak. In addition, when someone else wants to drive your car, you know how to teach them to make your engine run. Telling your significant other that you “drive your car” often should never be embarrassing or shameful. Knowing how to make yourself feel good means that you know the rules of the road. Because you are in touch with your sexuality, you and your partner will most likely have a better sex life.
Going back to the car analogy, it’s perfectly normal to like driving your car better than someone else driving your car. You know how to smoothly put it in drive, you’re comfortable in your seat and you’re in charge of your speed. You know your car better than anyone else. For a new driver, they’re trying to figure out what you like, what feels good, the speed you like, etc. So, it’s perfectly natural to enjoy doing it your own way instead of having someone else try to figure out how to make your car go.
Lastly, feeling weird about sexual pleasure should not be a thing. Everyone will experience some sort of sexual pleasure in their life and it will be different for everyone. Just because masturbation is your thing, doesn’t mean it has to be other peoples and vice versa. No one should judge anyone on such a natural occurrence, especially in college. Keep doing you and drive your car as much as you like.
Sincerely,
A Fellow Gull xo
P.S. I recommend taking a look at this article from Cosmopolitan to get another perspective on women and masturbation habits: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a35847/sex-talk-realness-womens-masturbation-habits/
Gifs Sourced from
http://giphy.com/gifs/cat-car-drive-p6zElcl27INBS
http://stories.barkpost.com/21-wacky-and-hilarious-gifs-of-dogs-in-cars/