We’ve all seen it done in the movies and on TV: friends with benefits. It usually has the same dramatic arc. Friends realize that they have some serious sexual tension, act on it and agree to continue the charade but promise to keep it simple and not let emotions get involved. But nine times out of ten, one person ends up falling for the other and either they get their heart broken or the two end up together in committed bliss. It looks complicated on screen, but does it have to be so complicated in real life? I don’t think it does.
I wearily plugged friends with benefits into urban dictionary and here are the top three results:
“Two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment.”
“Friends by day, sex partners by night.”
“A healthy, fun sexual relationship between two people… until one falls for the other, the friendship blows to pieces and those two people find themselves worse off than they were before.”
I refuse to believe that the third definition has to be the way that it should go. Two mature, consenting adults who don’t want a commitment should be able to have some fun without all of the messy strings. Sure, sometimes feelings get in the way, but that may just show you that you don’t necessarily want something so casual, that you want a real commitment. In the end, that may be for the best, because it sheds light on your true romantic intentions.
The most important thing to remember when getting into a FWB situation is to always have communication. Setting ground rules in the very beginning is the best way to avoid things going wrong. Discuss how often and where you’ll meet. This may change over time, but it’s good to get on the same page with expectations. Here are some other general guidelines that can help to navigate how to have a friend with benefits:
Don’t be clingy and need constant attention.
Choose your partner wisely, because…
Remember that it will end eventually.
Always be honest.
Don’t go on dates.
Be aware that the friendship won’t necessarily be the same after.
Don’t get jealous of other relationships.
No cuddling!
Always use protection.
These guidelines aren’t steadfast, just things to keep in mind when considering entering this type of relationship. Self-awareness is important to have before even thinking about being FWB with someone. Make sure that you understand what you want out of a romantic or sexual relationship and what you are ready to do about it. Also be aware that it may not go the way you want it to. Maybe the other person will find someone else that they want to be in a committed relationship with. Maybe you will. Doing your best to keep emotions out of the picture will prevent you from being seriously hurt if it doesn’t end the way you want it to.