Imagine making one bad mistake and never being able to forget it. Imagine living a life haunted by the mistake to a point where everyone you know, knew, and meet, refuses to let you forget it. This is what happened to fifteen-year-old Amanda Todd, a Canadian teenager who recently committed suicide as a way to escape her bullies. Like any teenager—or any person for that matter—Amanda made a mistake when she was younger. However, the mistake would later lead to years of abuse, torment, and intense bullying from, what she felt, was everyone she met. What started with one guy cyber bulling her for naked photos turned into classmates calling her crude names and telling her she should “just kill herself.” On September 7th, 2012, Amanda posted a video on YouTube where she shared her story of being bullied and cried for help. In this chilling video, Amanda explains the cyber stalking, bullying, and physical abuse she received all because of one photo she made the mistake of taking when she was younger. Despite Amanda switching schools and moving to a new location, the bullies still followed her online and through text messages. Even after a suicide attempt, her peers continued to poke fun about her “failure to kill herself,” and one person said “I hope she dies this time and isn’t so stupid.” On October 10th, 2012, Amanda committed suicide.
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It’s incredibly disturbing to read about this “bullycide” (term referring to a bullying-induced suicide) since even after her death, people still leave horrid comments on her YouTube page saying, “she deserved this,” and “no one should feel bad for her.” Words hurt—it’s as simple as that. But what is more complex is trying to understand what drives a person to become such a bully. The sad realization is that bullying exists everywhere; it doesn’t matter what your age, race, gender, sexual identity or ethnicity is, bullying happens to everyone. So, what is it that drives people to bully one another at school and through the seemingly anonymous spaces our computers create?
People suggest bullying occurs whenever a person feels the need to lash out against someone, or due to a lack of proper outlet for their emotions. Whatever the reasons, bullying and bullycide have recently become an epidemic that is spreading far too fast with no clear solution in view. The American Journal of Public Health recently posted the devastating news that suicide is now the leading cause of injury-related death in the U.S., meaning suicide occurs more often than traffic-related deaths. I don’t believe that we can just continue living our own individual lives, knowing that people suffer so strongly out there. As someone who has personally suffered from a depression, I know that there is a way to help people in mental need. So the question becomes: how can we stop bullying?
There is no clear answer for putting an end to bullying. As long as we continue to share social experiences and interact with one another, bullying is always going to be a social issue. Plus, we live in a digital world where we can find any information about anyone with a few clicks and some research. So, if we can’t hide from it, the better option may be to just start talking about it and doing something to raise awareness. The more people understand that bullying affects everyone and the more people recognize that there are ways to cope, the better chance we have at reducing the rates of bullycide.
In November 2011, I started my own music for a cause business called Hold On Another Day (HOAD), which seeks to support non-profit causes by creating a compilation album consisting of music composed by independent musicians. This fall, I’ll be releasing HOAD’s second compilation titled “Songs For Project Believe in Me,” which will raise awareness for anti-bullying campaigns. Through this concept, I’ve learned how powerful music is, and can be, especially in a time of need. Though I can’t guarantee the CDs I create are actually going to solve anyone’s problems, what I’ve learned is that sharing these ideas and actions are just as important as creating them.
Image via Hold On Another Day
On “Songs For Project Believe In Me,” you can listen to positive, motivational songs written by musicians who struggled with bullying or knew someone who did. The point is to connect with these stories and learn to apply them with your own life. When it comes down to it, learning how to cope early on can help you build a stronger sense of self-worth, which can lead to preventing mental issues like depression or suicide. Hold On Another Day follows a one-for-one movement (similar to the TOMs shoe company). So for every CD sold, we donate one to some one in need. In this case, we are going to donate our CDs to middle schools and high schools across the U.S. where bullying is a prevalent issue—so guidance counselors can offer them to students looking for a way to cope.
But, I am only one of many young people out there trying to help this issue and music isn’t the only way people can cope with bullying. There are other people and campaigns out there, such as the It Gets Better Project and To Write Love On Her Arms, building a sense of community around those who have or are currently struggling with this issue. To Write Love On Her Arms launched an incredibly inspiring campaign called “The Storytellers High School Campaign” in October 2011. During these events at schools across the U.S., the organization calls on students to work with their counseling programs to host open discussions about mental illness. The idea is to get people involved, raising awareness and talking about these ‘taboo’ topics. Last winter I attended a MOVE Community conferenced hosted by TWLOHA in Chicago. There, I heard stories from teenagers and adults of all different backgrounds discuss their personal struggles and grievances with mental disorders, self-harm and suicide. Through listening to these stories, I recognized how compelling it is to hear how other people have felt the way you do or have similar issues. Storytelling, I believe, is an art form that not only entertains, but also empowers. Connecting with others helps us realize our personal strength and power; so it’s these connections we need to focus on to help those suffering recognize that they are, in fact, never actually alone.
Teens across the U.S. are rising together and taking the initiative to actually do something to put an end to it. Project Believe In Me is an organization based in Portland, OR founded by Alex Horsey, a teenager who overcame bullying at a young age. Alex explains his desire to do something to help the cause against bullying because he wanted to make sure no one ever had to feel as isolated or alone as he once did. Alex says, “I believe that sharing our stories is of the utmost importance. Words have power—it’s my job, and that of Project Believe in Me, to reclaim that power and use it for justice and healing.” Project Believe in Me is a completely youth-led initiative. The organization publishes open letters and videos from folks who have experienced bullying—as a victim, bystander, or even a bully.
Moreover, sites like WeStopHate (WSH) exist to promote positive understandings of self-worth and improvement. But, it’s more than just an anti-bullying program. It’s a call to action to stop hate: stop hating on yourself, stop hating on others, stop letting others hate on you. WSH reminds teens that stopping hate isn’t something to do once, but it’s a practice and approach to live by each day. Emily-Anne Rigal, Founder of WeStopHate says:
“Our reason for focusing on teen-esteem is simple: Only when we see a rise in self-esteem, will we see a decline in bullying. This is because people who are happy with themselves won’t put others down. Stopping bullying means putting an end to the lifelong, painful consequences each victim suffers… and that creates a better world for us all.”
Bullying has always been an issue—it’s not a new occurence. Yet, our connection to technology has played a large role in creating the monster that bullying has become. Though there may not appear to be a direct way to end bullying, if people believe in the ability to see a change, we can get closer to that goal. If we have the ability to connect and reach a mass audience through the internet—through our daily communications with one another—we should channel those interactions into creating positive change. I encourage people to start talking about these issues among their friends, family and classmates – spreading the idea that organizations like Project Believe In Me, WeStopHate, TWLOHA, It Gets Better and my own, Hold On Another Day, exist to help those suffering could potentially provide someone in need with a new resource.
Healthline.com reports that %80 of people suffering from depression do not receive treatment. Often times people do not think they are deserving of treatment or are actually suffering because the stimga on depression depicts it as a mental issue we bring on ourselves. Undrea Leach, an aspiring musician and anti-bullying advocate, mentions “more and more people who are going through this feel like they have no way out. Many feel that there is no escape from their pain, so they take their own life. I think this is on the rise because individuals don’t have a way to speak out and truly be heard.” People suffer from depression every day and the signs are not always evident – you have no idea how much you could help someone just by sharing your personal story, someone else’s or simply letting them know you care about these issues.
If you or someone you know is suffering from bullying, depression, suicidal thoughts or other mental illnesses, please seek help. Emerson’s counseling center is located on the 2nd floor of 216 Tremont Street. Samaritan’s Inc is a suicide prevention non-profit located at 33 West Street in Downtown Crossing. You can reach their hotline at 877-870-HOPE (4673) or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).