I’ve never been a person that’s scared of change. I used to think I was scared of change, until I realized the people around me were really the ones that were scared. I love when things change. I love when the weather goes from hot to cold. I love going to a new place and staying longer than I should. But mostly, I love the feeling of beginning again that comes with change.
The last few weeks I’ve began to feel stuck. Stuck in my routine, my job, and most unsettlingly, my life. I wake up. I either go to class or I do some work that I’m sure is time sensitive. If it’s a Monday I’m going to eat out, Tuesday I eat whatever is in the fridge. And I could go on and on about my weekly routine, because it looks the same every week. It monotonous and boring, and honeslty not so great for my mental health. I need a steady flow of spontaneity in my life. I need to not wake up in same place every morning and do the same routine things. I need a big change.
I get into this rut about this time every year. I’m not sure if it’s the change in weather, or if it’s just that spring means new beginnings. This time last year I accepted an offer for a three week excursion in London, England. I can’t do that this year, as I now have a pup that can’t stay with my parents for three weeks (I’m sure her grandparents wouldn’t mind as they adore her, but I would mind). I feel the need to grow explore boiling under my skin, causing me to be anxious and uncomfortable in my day to day life. I feel the need to change like I need to take a deep breath and feel my lungs with oxygen that they’re so badly craving.
I want to run down the streets of a city I don’t know. I want to eat and drink strange things I’ve never eaten and drank before. I want to go see musicals and plays and bands in strange places. All of these things aren’t so much a want as much as they are a need. I feel stuck: emotionally, creatively, and mentally. I’m not sure who to get unstuck from this either, which may be the most intimidating part.
So, if you’re like me and your bones ache for change: look for the little things. Fitzgerald said, “For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over.” I hope that if you’re like me, and are aching for a change, that you have the courage to know that you deserve that change. Don’t be scared, just fully embrace it.