The Stages of a Diet
Does my bum look big in this?
Like most students, I tend to put on 5-6 pounds throughout the term and lose about 3-4 when I go home. For the mathematically adept among you, you will have calculated that, as I am now entering my 6th term as a student, this puts me at about 10 pounds heavier than where I used to be. Now, there comes a time, characterised by the rather large hole that has ripped its way into the crotch of your jeans, when you realize that something really needs to be done about this discrepancy. You resolve to do something about it…after you’ve finished this chocolate bar.
Choosing a Fad Diet
Once you have made this decision, you next spend happy hours trawling the web for the perfect way to shed that extra padding. Despite your best efforts, the hopes of finding the ever elusive, ‘Lose 10 pounds without changing your life a bit’ diet are soon quashed. Once over this betrayal on Google’s part, you settle on the next easiest one you can find.
You now search for the best toning and fat burning exercises. Grabbing a pen you note these down and subsequently promise yourself that you will do them every evening. After all this mental effort, you treat yourself with a movie, popcorn and chocolate…the diet will start tomorrow.
The Diet Begins
You wake up on the first day of your diet (a Monday obviously…are there any other days?) pumped and raring to go. You stare at the incredibly toned and glossy physique of the (not-at-all photoshopped) picture of Jennifer Aniston you printed off yesterday for motivation purposes. You imagine your head on that figure. You want it. You really really want it. This diet going to be easy. And so it starts. And you get through the first day! Fantastic, you’ve finally found a diet you can stick to. Bring on the other days.
Motivation begins to Wane
You stick rigidly to this diet…for two days. After this, the inevitable growls from your food-deprived stomach and the increased activation of your dopamine-reward circuit at the thought of food (my attempt at justifying writing this article as revision…sorry) makes you question the true necessity of this venture. Your rigorous exercise regime has also become somewhat dormant. Pretty soon, the usual diminishing desire for killer abs and smaller jeans begins to creep up and you grab some chocolate and mull it all over.
Mulling it over
Many thoughts pass through your head. You weigh up the pros of losing weight against the pros of not starving. Great body and hot boys…or chocolate and sweets. I thought guys liked love handles? Even if they don’t, do you really need a husband? This chocolate bar is nice…maybe you could marry that?
Acceptance
Once questioning of the true necessity has been done, the answer is made. Losing those 10 pounds is not a priority, no one you know looks like Jennifer Aniston anyway. To justify your decision you put on ‘Biggest Loser’, next to those guys you basically look anorexic (you all do it…don’t lie).