Dorm: West Quad
Favoritedining hall: Wherever Pam is working that day
Hometown: Meredith, New Hampshire
Relationship status: Engaged in legal battles over a common law marriage
Three things you can’t live without:Flannel, Cheap Whiskey and Loose Women
Interests: Bear Wrestling, Growing chest hair, Tongue Punching, Xploding, Indoor Whaling
Favorite movie: Whale Watchers Vol. 11
Favorite song: Stray Cat Blues –Rolling Stones
Favorite professional athlete: Warner Nickerson ‘05
Favorite book: Fifty Shades of Grey
What do you do on campus?
Get weird as often and in as many ways as possible.
What’s one girl trend you don’t understand?
Majoring in English or Anthropology.
What do you look for in a girl?
A ring. Married women want it the worst.
What’s your favorite pick-up line?
Oh, you have a boyfriend? Well, I’ve got a boner.
Which moment in your Colby career would you most want to hide from your kids?
All of them if I had a daughter. My son already knows what I’ve been up to.
If you had to be handcuffed to one person at Colby for the rest of your life, who would it be and why?
Marc Massie ’13. He needs to expand his horizons.
Who would you want to play you in a film?
Slim Pickens of Blazing Saddles fame.
What’s something quirky about you?
Ask Jim Ryan ’14.
What’s your ideal party theme, and what would you wear to it?
Sweatpants and Viagra party, and obviously I’d go tarps off.
What’s the best thing that your mom does for you?
Everything she does. Kim Sperry is a saint.
What’s one piece of advice you would give to freshmen girls?
As Kanye said: “That’s right, put in work, move your ass, go bizerk, eat your salad, no dessert, get that man that you deserve.” All kidding aside, if you respect yourself other people will too.
How did your first kiss go down?
About as well as losing my virginity went.
If you met the people of Antarctica, what would you ask them and why? Antarctica has a population of zero. Can’t fool a Geology major.
What would you do with $1,000,000?
Invest most of it in Hydrofracking then blow the rest on hookers and booze.
What would you do if the only song you could listen to for the rest of your life was “Call Me Maybe?”
Dance on tables provocatively at all times.
How excited are you to be campus cutie this week?
More excited than a nun in a cucumber patch, less excited than a priest in a kindergarten.