1. You’re always eating.
It seems like there’s always some food in your mouth or on it’s way in.
2. No, seriously, it scares some people how much you can consume in one sitting.
You don’t know how you were blessed with such talents. Why question it?
3. And it doesn’t matter if you just ate.
Meal is kind of a subjective term.
4. You know the most important thing to do when arriving somewhere new is to scout out the food.
It’s like you’ve got this built in radar.
5. Your friends laugh at your exaggerations when describing how hungry you are…. but you aren’t exaggerating.
No, Becca. I’m literally ordering 50 nuggets.
6. Your stomach is basically a black hole.
Never full. Undefined phenomena no one quite understands.
7. You talk about In-N-Out the way some people talk about their love lives.
So I got the fries animal-style, and just about proposed right there.
8. But you don’t discriminate. Fruits, veggies, pizza, you eat it all.
Cause food you’re amaazing, just the way yoou arrreee.
9. When someone attempts to try your food, you put them in their place.
“You took my only food. Now I’m gonna starve.” – Patrick Star
10. Doesn’t matter if it’s been two minutes or an hour, each meal is just preparation for another meal.
What do you mean we just ate?
11. And trust me, hangry is a word your friends are quite familiar with.
You basically turn into the monster from Cloverfield.
12. When someone offers to let you try their food, it’s really just an invitation for you to dig in.
“You want a fry?” is really just code for “eat them all.”
13. Your boyfriend knows the easiest way to please you is to bring food over with him.
What the bae wants, the bae gets.
14. And serving sizes don’t apply to you.
You see it more as a serving “recommendation.”
15. ‘Going on a diet’ for you means no mocha drizzle on your drink at Starbucks.
Yeah so, barista, that’ll be a venti java chip frappuccino with eight pumps of peppermint, but none of that little crumbly topping.
16. Your friends have expressed both concern and wonder at your eating abilities.
Tbh they’re just wondering how so much food can fit into that tiny frame.
17. And you’ve tried explaining it to them, but they just don’t understand.
I can’t chaaaange, even if I tryyy, even if I wanted toooo (which I totally do not).
18. When your friends finish their food in a restaurant, you’re more than happy to eat their leftovers.
Can’t let that delicious beauty go to waste.
19. And once you’re home, it’s on to the next snack.
Grocery shopping is the only chore you love.
20. To your friends, some of the food combos you come up with are quite honestly disgusting.
Be honest, watching Elf, you reaaally wanted to try his breakfast spaghetti. Maybe minus the pop tarts.
21. And you often watch cooking shows and express your angst that your TV is not a prop from a Willy Wonka movie set.
Because watching them prepare a creole mustard crusted rack of lamb with summer corn succotash while you sit there eating 89 cent ramen is just so unsatisfying.
22. But no matter what struggles you endure, you know food will always be there for you in the end.
A wise man once said “I like to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.”