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There's A Reason Nice Guys Finish Last

Posted Jan 21 2013 - 12:58pm

 

Really, there is.

You see, the thing about nice guys is that they really aren’t very nice at all. In fact, there is a major difference between being nice and being a genuinely kind person – a distinction that many self-proclaimed “nice guys” have failed to make.

A person who is kind loves, cares for, and gives out of the goodness of their heart. A person who does things to be “nice” is really doing them to get validation and approval from others to feel good about themselves. People who are “nice” often see their actions as deserving of repayment, and honestly, that doesn’t sound very nice to me.

Those who claim to be “nice guys” are feigning kindness in the hopes of getting what they want from a girl. Be it a date, a relationship, or otherwise, “nice guys” seem to think they deserve to have these things if they are simply “nice” – but get this, sometimes the person you fall for won’t fall for you, and that’s okay. It’s something we all have to come to terms with at some point. If you believe in equality, you will accept that everyone has the right to choose who they want to pursue any kind of relationship with, and that no one has an obligation to reciprocate feelings they don’t want to.

Except, in the minds of “nice guys”, women who express a lack of interest in them usually automatically assume that these women only date “bad boys”. They also often claim that women won’t date them because they are “too nice”, and that she “friend zoned” him because she is obviously a four-letter-word.

“Friend zoning” isn’t fair. It places blame on women for doing what they want. In the words of feminist Aeryn Walker, “’Friend zoning’ is bullshit because girls are not machines that you put Kindness Coins into until sex falls out.”

The concept of the “friend zone” was coined in the 90’s sitcom Friends when Joey explained to Ross that he had waited too long to act on his feelings for Rachel, so Ross would permanently stay a friend in her mind.

As if it were absolutely unbearable to merely be friends with a person.

The concept of the “friend zone” emerged again in the 2005 movie Just Friends, in which a man, Chris, always ended up rejected and “just friends” with women he was interested in. One day, a girl who had previously ‘friend zoned’ him fell in love with him and they lived happily every after. It’s great that they found happiness, but the story perpetuates the toxic idea that if a man waits in the “friend zone” long enough, carrying out his “nice guy” guise, the woman who put him there in the first place will one day wake up and realize that she is actually in love with the “nice guy”.  This is especially problematic as it insists that women are not capable of making their own choices – as if men know what women want better than women themselves.

The concept of the “friend zone” condemns, demonizes, and vilifies women for exercising their right to say no. The “friend zone” that the “nice guys” have created essentially punishes women for putting their own romantic happiness first.

Which is why “nice guys” aren’t very nice at all.

 

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