Learning experiences aren’t meant to be a walk in the park, because if they were, you wouldn’t really be authentically growing, right?
I didn’t join Greek life immediately as a freshman because
- I didn’t even know how to sign up for rush week!
- I thought Greek organizations were classist, ableist, racist and sexist.
Every moral fiber in my body protested the patriarchal, hetero-normative system that established itself in our universities to make national groups money under the guise of service and sister/brother hood.
However, those reasons were forgotten when I found myself recovering from a knee surgery during my third week of freshman year, unable to walk or even climb into my own bunk bed. Let’s just say my social game was not on point…I was lonely. So, when I was presented an opportunity to join a Greek organization, I had my second shot.
I leapt at that opportunity and immersed myself in trash pick-up days, officer positions and social events. I was so “gung ho” about my sisterhood that I pushed my critiques to the back of my mind and held my tongue even when times got hard. You see, I wanted to be the change I wished to see in the world. I wanted to create a Greek organization that was inclusive, fair and affordable for all college women. I didn’t want to hate the system, I wanted to change it! So I volunteered myself as an officer and later became a member of Executive Council.
For a while, being Greek improved my life: I met a ton of new ladies and I volunteered for our community. I loved my fellow members and wanted our organization to succeed. I fought against rumors. I fought for diversity. I fought to keep our members. I fought to make our events fun. I fought to get rid of cliques. I fought for my sisterhood to be recognized as a beneficial part of campus.
Through all this fighting, I forgot to fight for myself! I forgot that my grades would be the piece of college that takes me to graduate school. I forgot that I couldn’t even attend grad school if my health was so bad that I had to move home to recover. I forgot what energy felt like… my sorority became a black hole that even an anti-depressant couldn’t hide. I lost a huge piece of myself to my sorority, and created an unhealthy relationship that sacrificed my mental and physical health just to be considered a valuable and worthy member.
I left Greek life to regain a sense of control in my life. That balance hasn’t been restored yet, but at least I’m on track now. I discovered, to my surprise, that my earlier critiques about Greek life were still true. After such a long learning process, I found I couldn’t change the meaning of structure and power in this large of a system. How could I support body positivity, and yet be confined to rigid outfit and makeup guidelines? How could I encourage inclusivity, when tons of women don’t feel comfortable even participating in the recruitment process? On an even larger note, how could I support Greek life when sisterhood came attached to a price tag?
Today, I fight for myself to be a healthier and happier person. Without Greek life hanging over my head, I feel that I can re-discover who I am; unique and vibrant and full of life. The decision to leave was very difficult for me, and involved my doctors, parents, and close friends. Most importantly, I woke up and started to stand for myself.
This is just my experience with Greek life, but for those of you out there with similar experiences in any organization, do yourself a favor: love and respect yourself enough to put you first.