We’ve all thought about it, some of us have talked about it, and few of us have actually done it. It’s terrifyingly painful, downright uncomfortable, but also simply amazing. This seemingly paradoxical “it” is also known as the Brazilian Wax: a girl’s worst enemy and best friend.
Phase 1: To do it… or not to do it?
It’s decision time. While most will opt for “no” (or quite possibly “hell no”), the few that said “yes” are now wondering: where do you go? There are a few options, but Plush is walking distance from campus, they offer student discounts, and you can also pay with BUID. You’re probably now wondering what the hell is Plush? Older students remember ~101 S 6th Street~ as Zelda’s, but younger students will know it as Plush. Yes, the place where you used to chow down on fried mac is now your new waxing locale.
Phase 2: It’s go time.
You wouldn’t expect to be taking your pants off in front of a woman you’ve just met. But here you are. The waxer is preparing to get up close and personal, and awkward small talk isn’t exactly helping. At first you’re liiike “hey how was your day?” and then all of the sudden you know about her 5 year old son, the vacations she used to take as a family, and what her favorite pizza topping is. Shit gets personal. Maybe it’s not obvious, but having your hair ripped out isn’t the most optimal time for chatting.
You’re literally lying down, looking up at the ceiling, and seeing an old grease stain from the creepy Zelda’s chef, wondering when this agonizing pain will pass. For some reason you think that getting a Brazilian is putting two strips on each side of your vagina and then getting both strips ripped off. Then… Voilà! You’d assume that it’s over and done.False. The waxer is dripping hot wax down your vajayjay one drip at a time. You think it’s over after a painful 15 minutes but nope, it takes another 45 minutes. SOS.
Phase 3: The aftermath.
The waxer finishes up and walks out of the room to give you some ~privacy~ despite the fact she’s already seen your inner vagina. So obviously you look down to see the finished product. After 45 minutes of pain, you expect to see a masterpiece. But instead it’s red, agitated, and not a pretty sight.
Don’t worry though — give it another 24-48 hours and it’ll be smooth as a baby’s bottom. Heads up: don’t have sex during this 24-48 hour period. It’s been tested and tried, and you WILL end up with either a UTI or a yeast infection.
You try to think about it: was the experience worth it? Was the PAIN worth it? But then you go three weeks in a row with a hairless vagina and you’re like wow. How was I missing out on this for all these years?