Short answer: yes. Psychologists, sociologists and communications experts all agree that in today’s world, guys and girls definitely can be just friends.
However, 25 years ago the notion of male-female relationships was not so commonplace. Whereas romance was once the lone bridge that connected men and women, guys and girls inevitably spend a lot of time together outside of the romantic realm today: men and women not only go to school together, but also work and socialize together. There are tons of activities both sexes do together, especially in college, that do not constitute a date in any way, shape or form. After all, who doesn’t love river floating down the Susquehanna or sharing a pile of wings with their best guy friends? Even though the experts believe men and women can successfully become and remain close friends, they do warn it can be tricky.
I decided to ask some Bucknellians and other college students to weigh in. Can girls and guys really be friends without the benefits?
Just like the experts, collegiettes overwhelming agreed that men and women can be friends. But did the thought of hooking up with one or more of their guy friends ever cross their minds? In some cases, girls said they had indeed hooked up with one of their guy friends, but were able to successfully remain close friends after the fact. On the other hand, some girls said there was no way they could ever view their male friends in that light. Many of these collegiettes reported that to them, their guy friends are just “like brothers.”
One factor that can make male-female friendships difficult is our inherent human nature. Physical attraction between the sexes is inevitable, though many college women reported that it wasn’t necessarily a problem for the friendship. “I have guy friends that I find attractive,” states a Bucknell collegiette. “But just because I find them attractive doesn’t mean I want to hook up with them.”
It seems that while we can appreciate our handsome male peers for numerous reasons, we ultimately deliberate and care about one’s deeper personal characteristics when considering a long-term romantic partner. For example, a female can be attracted on some level to her guy friend because he is good-looking and funny, but she may recognize other qualities in him that she knows she could not tolerate in a romantic relationship.
Other women report that while they may have certainly thought about hooking with their guy friends, at the end of the day it just isn’t worth it. Another female Bucknell student pointed out that she “wouldn’t hook up with a guy friend just for fun because it makes the relationship messy.” It seems that a handful of girls believe that if they hooked up with their guy friend, the original dynamic of the relationship would be permanently changed…and not necessarily for the better. Will it be awkward running into him in the library on Monday? Do I still sit next to him in bio lecture on Tuesday? Having to even ask questions like these seems like large price to pay for a one-time hookup with a guy friend. “If I really value the friendship I have with a guy, being able to hang out together and watch a movie, then I wouldn’t want to ruin it by hooking up just for fun. Especially if I didn’t want to date him after hooking up,” explains one collegiette from Duke University. Ultimately, it seems we girls tend to recognize the potential consequences that can arise from hooking up with a male friend. Instead, we would rather sit back and appreciate all the non-sexual benefits we gain from our male-female friendships.
For guys on the other hand, it seems that attraction does in fact make friendship more difficult, but not impossible. As one Bucknellian said, “All guys are attracted to their girl friends on some level. Therefore, every guy wants to hook up with his girl friend.” Emmett Johnson from Boston College tends to agree. “It may sound corny, but it’s nature,” he said. So is it safe to assume that women are hands down long-term thinkers opposed to men, who act on impulse? Not necessarily. While women may be able to control their impulses more so than men, they are not alone in thinking about the long-term consequences of hooking up with a friend. Nate Gleason ’15 elaborates on this innate quality most men seem to share. “I think at some point it will always cross someone’s mind: should we hook up? Then the result is based on impulse. It ultimately comes down to whether [the person] wants to act on the impulse. I think most of the time guys want to act on it. But when the guy is sure it wouldn’t work then it’s not worth losing the friendship, so the impulse dies.”
Ultimately, what I’ve gathered from my interviews is that guys and girls can in fact be friends without hooking up. However, most guys reported that, even though it may never happen, they totally would hook-up with their girl friends if given the chance. Across the board, men and women will inevitably find themselves physically attracted to at least some of their friends (after all, Bucknell is a very attractive campus). However, at the end of the day, the benefits that come with friendships between the sexes no doubt outweigh the desire for, and potentially awkward aftermath of, a random hookup with your friend.
Disclaimer:I realize this article does not reflect all viewpoints on this subject. The information I have gathered is based on my own opinions and those viewpoints I obtained via interview process.
Sources:http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200108/can-men-and-women-be-friends