Here’s the scenario: the semester is winding down and the weather is finally allowing you to remember what it feels like to be warm. Things seem great, the end is in sight, but alas, there’s that last dreaded hurdle before freedom: finals. Cue me being in the fetal position while shoveling spoons of peanut butter down my throat in order to stem the panic attack. Every semester they creep up on you despite the fact you’ve known about them since before midterms. The bastards. And every semester it’s the same old story of pretending you’ll be prepared this time and not freak out and then not being prepared and freaking out. It’s the circle of life/life of a college student. To make it a little more interesting than just a list of what happens, I’ve employed the help of the Plastics to ease the pain and maybe motivate you along the way. It’s such a fetch idea, I know.
Getting Ready for Finals: As Told by Mean Girls
1. You know what, I’m going to make finals my beyotch this semester. Start studying weeks ahead of time so I’m not cramming the night before. Yeah, productivity!
2. Wow. When did we take all these notes? Is all of this going to be on the final? And when did my handwriting become so illegible? Good god, what does that even say? Three? Happy? Rhinoceros? It’s fine. Don’t panic.
3. Panicking a little. It’s ok. I still have 3 weeks before the final. I’ll take a night off to boost my self-esteem. A little R&R will be good. Get my Netflix on and give myself a little pep talk.
4. I kicked studying’s ass today! Woohoo! What was that, like a 10-hour study sesh? How many cups of coffee did I have? Five? Twelve? It’s like my whole body is vibrating right now. HAHA. PROGRESS!!~*@^#
5. I’m sorry; did the professor just say the final is cumulative?
6. You know, I haven’t called home in a while. Maybe my parents will have some words of wisdom on studying. The sound of my mother’s voice when I am extremely stressed out won’t lead me to have a mental break down and feel like I’m in middle school again.
7. Ok, that did not help. I am now a ticking time bomb about to explode with emotions at any given moment. O no, IS THAT A PUPPY IN A SWEATER.
9. Hitting the one-week mark and I’m just going to devour everything in sight. That seems like a good idea. Who delivers at 2 am?
10. I have sufficiently gotten through all my notes and “read” all the reading. 36 hours until the final. I’m still alive. I can do this. I think I’m talking out loud right now. Thanks for that inspiring talk, trashcan. I don’t remember the last time I slept.
11. Here it is, the night before finals. You made it. I’m so proud. See? It wasn’t that bad, right? I am confident and prepared. Bring it on, exams.
Better luck next semester.