Can guys and girls truly be friends without being attracted to one another? It is an age old question, one that has crossed the minds of many at one point or another. One that scientists and psychologists alike have been debating over for years, and perhaps was most famously posed in the timeless film When Harry Met Sally.
Your immediate answer may be something along the lines of, “Yes, we can absolutely be friends! I have many acquaintances of the opposite gender!”
But then of course, there’s that awkward moment when one of your closest guy friends reveals that he has feelings for you. Or your best friend takes her platonic relationship with a guy from her government class to the next level. Or your hand accidentally brushes your guy friend’s hand when you’re hanging out, and suddenly you start to feel all weird inside…
See?! How many times have these things happened to you? Think of all the times you have felt some sort of attraction towards one of your guy friends. It happens much more often than we would like to believe.
When making friends, we are drawn to people who we find interesting, people who we want to learn more about. We also become friends with people who possess qualities that we like, whether it be humor, honesty, looks, etc.
This means that when you actually do become friends with someone of the opposite gender, there are characteristics about that person that you are attracted to. You may not be romantically attracted to that person. Instead, you’re attracted to things about that person. Romantic relationships begin in a similar fashion – being attracted to certain qualities that a person possesses. Consequently, you eventually become romantically attracted to the actual person.
After spending a lot of time with a friend of the opposite gender, many people will start to realize that they may have some sort of feelings for their friend because they see all the great qualities their friend possesses. For example: Lizzie McGuire and Gordo, the cutest T.V. couple ever!
Lizzie and Gordo were best friends since the day they were born. Throughout the show, Gordo had persistent feelings for Lizzie, while it took Lizzie the entire T.V. series (and a movie) to realize that she felt the same way about him. Needless to say, when she finally realized she had feelings for Gordo, teenage girls across the country were ecstatic! Even though they were BFFs from the get-go, both Lizzie and Gordo realized that the things they loved so much about their friendship just made them fall even more in love with each other.
While most people would like to believe it’s possible for girls and guys to be friends, the truth is that it’s definitely easier said than done. It is very difficult for girls and guys to be friends without some sort of romantic attraction forming. Interestingly, women in general seem to think that it is totally realistic for guys and girls to be friends, whereas men seem more likely to admit that they would feel some sort of romatic attraction towards their female friends.
THE TRUTH HAS BEEN REVEALED!
One-sided feelings are totally normal, and there have been several studies conducted that conclude that men are more likely to be attracted to their female friends than vice versa. The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships published a study that asked 150+ professional men and women the things they liked and disliked about their opposite gender friendships. The most common dislike for women was sexual tension, while ironically, men said most frequently that sexual attraction was a “prime reason for initiating a friendship.” Furthermore, men and women as a whole agreed that sexual tension is, in fact, omnipresent in their opposite gender friendships.
Insight from this study may explain why it is more common for your guy friend to like you, but for you to not really feel the same romantic attraction towards him. Steve Harvey from Family Feud addresses this one-sided male attraction, saying, “[Men are] your [friends] only because you have made it absolutely clear that nothing else is happening except this friendship we have…We remain your friends in hopes that one day there will be a crack in the door…Trust and believe: that guy you think is just your buddy, he will slide in that crack the moment he gets the opportunity because we’re guys.” However, we can’t put all the blame on the guys! There are obviously also friendships in which a woman feels an unreciprocated attraction to her male friend. Countless rom-coms delve into the lives of women harboring unrequited love for male friends or colleagues.
So, can guys and girls really be just friends? It may depend on what you consider a friendship. If you like a little fun, underlying romantic tension between you and your guy friend, then absolutely! Guy friends are perfect for when you want to eat an endless amount of pizza, laugh hysterically with not a care in the world, or when you just need a shoulder to cry on. Either one (or both) of you may feel a romantic attraction towards the other at some point, but these feelings do have the ability to help your friendship grow and bring the two of you even closer together!