’Twas the Week Before Finals

'Twas the week before finals, when all around Bentley

Not a study room open, students working intently;

The SAMs and the Learnsmarts all completed with care,

Knowing that finals soon would be there;

 

The students were never to be seen in their beds,

While derivatives and integrals danced in their heads;

My friends with their textbooks, and I with my notes,

Had just settled down to look at asymptotes.

 

When the calc was done there arose such a clatter,

The RA ran in, asking what was the matter.

Away she went, letting out a long sigh,

Saying, “It’s continuous quiet hours, don’t ask me why.”

 

The caffeine from the coffee that I drank that morning,

Gave me energy enough—when suddenly without warning,

Into my inbox, what should appear?

But an email from my professor, and it struck me with fear.

 

With a subject line reading, “Presentations tomorrow,”

I knew in a moment it would bring me great sorrow.

More frightening than finals the instructions he listed,

And the assignment, it said, to complete unassisted.

 

“Now, PowerPoint! Now, handouts! Now, 'make sure there’s variety!'

On, current events! On, social impacts! On, ten minutes entirety!

To the classroom tomorrow! For a 20% grade!

Now speak loudly! Speak clearly! And don’t be afraid!”

 

As homework assigned before the finals is high,

When it piles on your desk, it mounts to the sky,

So up the Smith Stairs to the library I flew,

With my bag full of books, and my tired brain, too.

 

And then, out of breath, with a stitch in my side,

Among the bagels at Einstein’s I tried to decide.

As I gave her my card, and was looking bereft,

At me she looked, saying, “You have no discresh left.”

 

I am stressed all the time, from morning to night,

And the halls are filled with LIFO and FIFO fright;

A mental breakdown is to be seen every day,

And looking at my grades I am starting to pray.

 

The 110—how alarming! The 112—how scary!

Expos, a nightmare; calc, looking quite hairy!

My GPA will suffer, I’m going to fail out of school,

And I just keep marveling that my professor’s so cruel;

 

That part of the essay I wrote while asleep,

And, “Yes, Mom, I know I have a scholarship to keep.”

Classes have a lot of work and presentations are waiting,

That if put off, will be bad, like your professors’ SETs rating.

 

Classes are busy and full, a quite stressful routine,

And I have no time to talk, not even in between;

A class at eleven and a group meeting at three,

Is making me wonder if I have any time free;

 

I don’t want to do it, I want to watch Netflix instead;

If I continue studying, I might just drop dead.

But procrastinating homework is never a good plan,

And now I still have to research Trump’s third travel ban;

 

I’ve calculated my grades, I need to get A’s,

And then I can relax and enjoy the holidays.

But to succeed I must do what my professors propose,

“Study hard and prepare and you’ll all get 4.0s!”

 

 

 

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