For those of us who have good relationships with our roommates, it can be difficult to rock the boat when an issue arises. Personally, I have a hard time telling my roommate when something she does bothers me because I don’t want to start an unnecessary fight. But it’s important to advocate for yourself and stand up for what you need to be successful- whether it’s having the lights off or fewer people over.
1. Have an Open Communication Policy
This may sound obvious, but establishing this from the beginning can help you and your roommate feel less awkward about discussing any issues that may arise in the future. In fact, because of this policy, my roommate and I have avoided more conflicts than we’ve had. It allows you to be honest without creating a tense or hostile environment. This also works preemptively- telling your roommate when you’re very stressed and more likely to be snappy, can avoid a fight you really don’t have time for.
2. Be Aware
Some people can take criticism of their flaws really well— and others can’t. It’s important to figure out the best approach to take when you bring up an issue to your roommate. This way you can know what to expect when you address something. For example, if you have a roommate who feels personally attacked easily, try not to use phrases that sound as if your accusing them of something, such as “you do this” but more “I feel like this.” It sounds clinical, but being aware of what your roommate will respond positively to can help keep your relationship healthy.
3. Give Yourself Space
Just because you’re roommates and friends doesn’t mean you have to spend every waking minute together. In most cases, all this does is bring a heightened awareness and irritation for one another’s flaws. Instead, try to make time for your varied interests and friends, so that you two don’t let go of your individuality and morph into one person.
4. Focus on the Good
When you spend too much time together, you might find yourself focusing your roommate’s flaws. It can be difficult to see past a dispute, argument, or annoying habit of your friend when they live in the same room. But taking time to appreciate their good qualities- like how they leave the light on so you don’t trip and die when you come back to the room late, calling you to tell you about the new music you have to hear, or staying up for late-night chats, can help you remember why you’re friends in the first place. It can also put some perspective on an issue that might seem like the end of the world in the moment, but in the long run isn’t.
5. Explain Yourself
This one applies more to after you’ve already begun a fight but haven’t resolved it. Sometimes, we don’t know why we react in a certain way in the moment and we need to take a step back from the situation to digest what has happened- that’s fine. However, this can be problematic if your roommate wants to resolve the issue immediately. It’s crucial to explain why you want certain things or why you’re behaving in certain ways so that your roommate can see where you’re coming from. This helped my roommate and I after we had possibly our stupidest fight ever to return to normalcy.
Being friends with your roommate can be a difficult path to navigate, especially during conflicts. However, following these tips can help make the process smoother and avoid any dramatic fights that could harm an otherwise beautiful and perfectly functional friendship.