For me, 2017 was a year of “realizing stuff” (-Kylie Jenner), probably more so than any other year. I went through some of the very lowest points of my life so far, and learned how to take the situations I’m given and just roll with it and learn from them. I learned a lot of new things about myself and realized that a lot of the stuff I thought I liked, I actually didn’t anymore.
I’ve had an instagram account roughly since the app first came out back in 2010. I absolutely loved the idea of being able to take cool pictures and post them for everyone to see, and to have the ability to keep up with my friends and even famous people that I didn’t know. And let’s be honest, being able to insta-stalk cute boys without them knowing was definitely a plus too.
What I didn’t realize was happening though, was that it was fueling my subconscious need to feel valued and appreciated by my followers through their “likes” on my pictures, and creating insecurities I didn’t even really have because of the constant comparison of myself to the girls I would see in my feed. I mean I love the feeling of dropping a fire selfie and watching the likes and comments pour in just as much as the next girl, but when I really started thinking about how much I was relying on that validation from other people, I started to get a little concerned.
This is by no means new information, I’m sure everyone has heard about how social media can affect our daily lives and can actually be really unhealthy. But for me, I hadn’t fully realized the impact of platforms like Instagram until I found myself actually feeling stressed out because of it. For example, if I had a really busy day and couldn’t use it, I would go home and spend hours just catching up on everything I had missed. I would literally feel anxious or stressed about missing something that someone had posted or not liking all of my friends pictures. I was always really worried about posting good selfies so everyone could see how good I looked that day, or posting pictures of whatever I was doing so people would think I actually had a life (LOL).
The more I thought about all of this, the more I realized how absolutely insane it was to be so reliant on people thinking I’m pretty or cool or interesting. I had literally become obsessed with everyone knowing where I was, who I was with, what I was wearing that day, etc. As embarrassing as it is to admit a lot of this, I’m pretty sure everyone that reads this can relate at least on some level. I had my Instagram posts down to a science – I knew exactly which filters made my skin and hair look the best, which time of day to post to receive the most likes, and how to word my captions to throw in some of my personality and humor but still create that sense of “mystery” that every girl wants (y’all know exactly what I’m talking about). I would feel so much satisfaction when everyone started liking and commenting on my posts, and even better when the one person that I really wanted to see it finally liked it too.
So even though I think New Year’s Resolutions are stupid and I don’t believe in them, I decided that my post on Christmas would be my last one for awhile. I wanted to learn how to be comfortable with my opinion of myself and mine only, and to not rely on likes and comments from other people to feel validated and confident with myself. I’ve also already really started to appreciate and even enjoy the idea of no one knowing exactly where I am, who I’m with, or what I’m doing on any particular day. Not obsessing over taking the perfect picture so everyone can see really forces you be more in the moment and appreciate it as a memory and nothing more; as cheesy as it sounds, it’s true. I wanted to delete Facebook too, but I decided to keep it to share these articles. But I’m limiting myself to not posting selfies, or updates of where I am, etc. I didn’t actually disable my Instagram account, I just deleted the app from my phone, that way maybe one day I can go back to it with a new perspective and not let it control my life as much.
The most important thing I’m gaining from this is self-assuredness and the ability to be content with myself and my life on my own. I’m learning how to appreciate and value my experiences and my fly-as-hell hair days without feeling the need to share it with everyone else all the time. It has also forced me to stop caring about other people’s pointless posts as well. Not to sound harsh, but 99% of everything we see on social media is literally pointless nonsense. It may matter to that person, but I really couldn’t care less about the new dog you adopted with your boyfriend, or what kind of drink you got from Starbucks today. And now that my time isn’t constantly being filled with that, I have so much more time and energy to put towards things that really matter, like waking up every single day and trying to actually be the person I was trying so hard to convince everyone that I really was through stupid Instagram posts. Overall, deleting my Instagram has been freeing and actually very relieving. I can easily go through my day without feeling the stress of liking everyone’s pictures, or the disappointment when the guy I have a crush on doesn’t like mine. I can wake up in the morning and do my hair and makeup with the satisfaction of knowing that I’m doing it strictly for me and not to impress anyone else or gain their approval.