"So, What's Your Deal With Him?": Relationships With Guys & Your Girls (& When They Collide)

Freshman year, our college campuses seemed enormous. Spending a few nights out, and taking a couple of trips across campus changed our minds quickly, though, as we learned that socially, college can be a very small place. We get comfortable with our girl friends, find ourselves some guy friends, and things tend to not really change much after that.  Though a close-knit group of friends ensures a good time, it can also ensure a lot of overlapping hook-ups and crushes. No matter what guy we get involved with, the "is it really okay that I'm doing this?" question is always in the back of our minds, because he used to hook up with one of your best friends, or he once made out with a girl you know and she's since developed feelings for him, or he has a girlfriend at another school but is suddenly showing interest in you. There's no denying that a boy's demonstrated interest is flattering and often fun, but in a world with ambiguous relationship titles and statuses (online and real life) we have to think about what his motives are, and whether or not our involvement with him will compromise a relationship with one of our girls.  So, what's a collegiette™ to do if...
 
He has a long-distance girlfriend?
First instincts tell us that he's taken, so therefore he’s not interested. Collegiette™ Rachel from Emory University thinks, "hearing that he has a girlfriend should kind of be a turn-off in itself. It's a sign that you should just probably back off." But there might be a chance that this guy is, well, unsatisfied. So therefore he's setting his sights on something better and closer - aka, you. Nicole, a freshman at USC, has a different opinion about guys with long distance girlfriends. Getting involved with a guy who's already taken can make you feel like a soulless boyfriend stealer, but when it's real, it can be hard to shake it. For Nicole, "the bottom line is to basically only get involved when you think that your feelings are pretty serious and make sure that you're prepared to experience some guilt and doubt in the beginning, but also remember that things will work out." If you start to get interested in a guy who’s in a long-distance relationship, question whether or not it’s real or just a one-time thing. There’s no need to put yourself through the guilt (and another girl through heartache) if the relationship isn’t going to last. If you think it might, be sure to have a chat with him, and have him sort out his girlfriend baggage first before things get messy.

He hooked up with your close friend... like, twice?
Girls can get a little overprotective of their hookups, and even more so if things don’t go our way. If your friend was more into it than he was, and he was ultimately the one who called it off, make sure you talk to her before getting involved with him. Psychologist and author Irene Levine says, "You want to make sure that your close friend is totally over him before you rush in to claim the body." But if she was the one who was no longer interested, he's fair game – if you find sloppy seconds attractive. But what if she’s not really over him? Respect her feelings and try to hold off until she’s reallyover it. Sit down for a talk, and explain your situation, laying everything on the table. Be genuine and she’ll probably understand – if she’s a friend, she’ll support it.