You were there when your friend was caught in the throes of a massive crush. You were there after the first date while she overanalyzed her every sentence, hoping that her date would call her. You were there when he did - and when subsequent dates eventually led to a full-on relationship. A supportive collegiette would be happy to see a friend find someone. But what if that ‘someone’ happened to make your skin crawl at the mere mention of his name?
Just because a friend has fallen in love with someone, doesn’t mean that you will feel the same excitement when you meet him. We asked collegiettes across the country if they have ever hated their friends’ significant others. The good news? If you have a friend that is dating someone less than spectacular, you definitely aren’t alone!
Unfortunately, this puts you in a delicate position. How do you balance maintaining your relationship with your friend against the fact that she’s dating someone you find terrible? Do you say something and risk losing a friend or suffer in silence? Luckily, Her Campus has 5 steps to help you manage the situation and make peace with your friend’s significant other:
Step 1: Look At Your Friendship First
Perhaps you have a friend who has been living the single life for quite some time. It isn’t your fault, but at some point you’ve gotten used to the fact she isn’t ‘attached.’ When you start to feel hostility towards your friend’s new boyfriend, could it be that he isn’t the real cause?
“When my best friend first got into a relationship with a guy after being single for a long time, I had a hard time liking him. Eventually I realized that it was less about the guy she was dating and more about how our relationship had changed. I was just redirecting my frustration. When a friend gets into a romantic relationship it can really change your overall friendship and that’s what I was mad about,” says Emily, a sophomore at the University of Illinois.
In this instance, the significant other is not the real issue. The real issue lies between you and your friend… and possibly a little jealousy over the fact that you are probably getting less attention from her. So how do you cope with this change?
Expert Advice: “Be honest. Are you jealous of the new relationship? You might be holding the wrong person responsible because your friend is suddenly not as available as she was before. If this is the case, tell your friend you're feeling a little left out and would love to see her more,” says April Beyer, Dating Expert and Founder of Beyer & Company, a personal matchmaking firm.
Still, your friend isn’t likely to ditch her new love for you at your beck and call. You may have to deal with being around her and her boyfriend together on occasion, even after you tell her how you feel. Which leads to the second step…