Ever wonder what guys think, how to deal with them, or whether instead of listening to you, they just imagine you naked? Our Real Live College Guy Joe will answer all your questions about men and relationships with wit, clarity, grace and physical attractiveness (can you tell he wrote this intro himself?) all while imagining you fully clothed! Well, usually – he is a college guy.
My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years now, and we have never had any trust issues. But lately, he’s been spending a lot of time with a friend of his – a pretty girl friend. I’m trying to think of her as just one of the guys, but I recently heard she has a crush on my boyfriend. He knows and says it’s not a big deal, but he still hangs out with her. They have even had dinner together—just the two of them. I don’t want to be a controlling girlfriend, but is this weird? How can I tell him I don’t want him to hang out with her anymore?– Edged Out at Emerson
Tell me: might you happen to be an actress on any soap opera ever written? This is a difficult situation, one that has ended many a relationship and sunk many a good ship, as that well-known saying goes.
I have bad news and good news. I’ll tell you the bad news first because I make the rules. If I were you, I’d operate under the assumption that your boyfriend probably feels some kind of attraction to this girl BUT WAIT DON’T RUN IN FRONT OF THAT BUS! It’s not going fast enough to kill you. That next one should do the job, though.
The good news is this. The attraction he feels towards her is nothing more than the old adage, “The grass is always greener,” something something, names will never hurt me. It’s not that he’s done with you, I don’t think, but rather that he’s excited by what he can’t have. Two years is a long time to date someone. His primitive survival instincts have started to kick in, including an urge to plant his seed in many places. He can’t help it, and you shouldn’t think this reflects poorly on your personality or physical beauty in any way. His gene pool simply depends on it. And this girl sounds like she has a way better rack than you do.
The reason this is good news is that I don’t think he wants to leave you. (Of course, all I know about you two is what I can glean from the seven-odd sentences in your question – so consider what I say only about 99% accurate.) I think he’s just undergoing a period of being an idiot, which every guy goes through at some point or another. (Because, to be clear, going out to dinner alone with a girl who he knows has a crush on him is not really acceptable behavior, unless he makes her pay.)
What you need to do is, wait for it… sit down and talk to him. “Oh look at that, Real Live College Guy Joe advises me to sit down and talk to my boyfriend again, how original!” – well, then get your own damned advice column! I swear, it’s like Her Campus pays me my eight-figure salary just to tell people to communicate with each other.
When you talk to him, be firm and clear. Listen to that incredibly insightful song by The Fray about sitting down and needing to talk -- I’m pretty sure they got that idea from reading my columns. Tell him you don’t appreciate his conduct with this girlie, and that he has to reign it back or he will probably lose you. This will probably knock him back to his senses. Since y’all live in a soap opera, all of his closest friends have probably fled with secret lovers and come back disappointed a mere week later. He won’t want to go down that road.
If he continues to be inappropriately close to this girl, there are a number of options I would suggest, all of which include having a three-way with this girl so he can get her out of his system. However, other doctors may suggest: an ultimatum (“This stops or I leave”), flirting with another boy yourself – which could go very wrong – or, of course, cold-blooded murder. Honestly, though, if a guy is going to keep flirting with another girl after you’ve told him it makes you uncomfortable, something isn’t working in your relationship. And, just so you don’t have to spend your nights worrying about what it is, it’s probably your boobs.
I wouldn’t suggest talking to the girl in question. She will initially be defensive, but then will probably get aggressive. You’ll find yourselves competing ferociously over this guy, which can only lead to cat-fights, torn clothing, probably some unruly water-splashing… On second thought…