Hannah Redfield knew something was wrong.
Her favorite food, twice baked potatoes, no longer looked appetizing, her once strong legs that she used to dominate the soccer field were now weak and tired, and she rarely slept through an entire night.
No, it wasn’t the flu, or any other infection. She was lovesick.
It was her first month entering college and her first time being apart from her boyfriend of four years. She feared losing touch with him and constantly dreaded the challenges that she knew laid ahead of a long distance relationship.
Our bodies’ release of stress hormones as a result of relationship worries can compromise your immune system according to a study conducted by The Ohio State University College of Medicine’s Institute for Behavioral Medicine Research that was published in Psychological Science.
The science behind it
Researchers asked 85 couples to complete a survey evaluating their relationship and provide them with saliva samples over three days and two blood tests on two separate occasions. Evidence showed that couples who displayed symptoms of “attachment anxiety” such as fear of abandonment and constant need for reassurance, in their survey also produced 11 percent more cortisol and 22 percent less T helper cells than those couples who did not exhibit as much “attachment anxiety.”
The study revealed that the depression and anxiety that can stem from relationships influence one’s physical health.
“This is especially relevant for college students because navigating and establishing healthy relationships is part of this time period of emerging adulthood,” said Laura Thompson, a doctoral student in counseling with 18 years of experience and working with college students at Syracuse University.
“College is a time of establishing identity, differentiating from parents, experimenting, and you are in this environment where there are tons of people and a huge dating pool, so it is important that students are secure with themselves before they enter a potentially harmful relationship,” said Thompson.
Cortisol was used to measure stress because it is the body’s primary stress hormone and is secreted when a threat is detected. This steroid hormone is so powerful that it can disrupt the function of major body systems such as the digestive, reproductive and immune systems as well as growth processes if overexposed to the body, according to the Mayo Clinic.
T helper cells are the primary cellular immune response cells in the body. The T cells release hormones called antibodies that fight harmful antigens, also according to the Mayo Clinic. Too much cortisol production, however, interferes with T cell’s abilities to kill pathogen-infected cells according to the Ohio State study.
Some signs that your body may be suffering from the result of a stressful relationship include headaches, reduced energy, stomach aches causing diarrhea, constipation or nausea, muscle aches and pains, accelerated heartbeat, appetite changes, drug/alcohol misuse or dependence, insomnia, frequent colds and infections, nervousness and shaking, and clenched jaw or teeth grinding, according to WebMD. If you haven’t experienced any physical pains yet but have noticed psychological effects such as constant worry, preoccupation with whatever you are dealing with and racing thoughts, the physical pains may be the next step.
Do our relationships hurt our health?
The physical cost
Higher amounts of stress due to the emotional side effects of a taxing relationship not only weaken the body’s ability to fight disease, but also take their toll on the physical body, too.
“People most frequently cite depression and anxiety as symptoms when they are in a stressful relationship,” said Dr. Rashmi Gangamma, an assistant professor in the Department of Marriage and Family Therapy at Syracuse University, cites.
“These psychological effects are commonly related to eating disorders, obesity, overall poor eating habits, lack of sleep, risky sexual behavior and even relationship violence, all of which have negative impacts on the physical body.”
While these ailments are not desirable by anyone’s standards, they are especially inconvenient for college students who have to juggle school, work, extra-curricular activities and a social calendar.
“While working at a counseling center at The Ohio State University, we supported mostly college students who displayed symptoms of depression and anxiety, and the first thing to automatically get affected is academic performance,” Gangamma said. “It definitely takes a hit.”
The mental cost
Marissa Blanchard, a collegiette from Syracuse University, remembers having a hard time adjusting to being away from her boyfriend just last semester. Marissa dated her high school sweetheart for two years prior to leaving for college and breaking up the first month.
“It was literally a mental battle for me the first month, deciding whether or not I should stay with him,” says Marissa. “But in that one month I realized that I had a million options, but he was the best option for me. I am a very emotional person and he is my best friend, so I needed him to lean on throughout this strange transition.”
Marissa does admit, however, that depression and anxiety exist in her relationship.
“I feel like on my boyfriend’s side he is more anxious while I am more stressed. He’s anxious because I’m so far from home and in the unknown,” said the Chicago native. “But I’m more stressed because I feel like we don’t have time to talk and I need him to talk to because I am so emotional. I need him as an outlet.”
If you ever find yourself stressed out at school (what a concept) and you notice it starting to take a toll on your physical health, here are some simple stress-busters. Exercise—exercising has proven to improve mood and boost your endorphins, not to mention the obvious physical health effects associated with exercise like weight loss and heart health. Work-outs like kick-boxing and competitive sports are great, healthy ways to release your anger and tension, too.
- Get outdoors: This tip goes hand-in-hand with the one above it. A little fresh air in your system can go a long way. You don’t necessarily have to be exercising, but rather, you can use the opportunity to appreciate the little things in life, like watching a sunset or laying out in the beach; something that will relax you.
- Talk about it: One of the worst things you can do when you are stressed out about something is to keep your problems to yourself. Talk to a friend or family member whom you trust, and talk about what’s bothering you. They don’t necessarily have to offer you solutions, but sometimes having a good listener can allow you to straighten your thoughts and get some things off of your chest.
- Disconnect: Hang up your phone, shut down your laptop, and take out your headphones. Unplug yourself from the virtual world and allow yourself some time for peace and quiet where you won’t be distracted by any interruption or responsibility.
- Breathe: Take a moment to step back and put things in perspective. Ask yourself, how will this affect me 5 years from now? 5 months? 5 minutes? How important is this problem in the grand scheme of things, and what can you do to fix it instead of worry about it?
How to balance your relationship and your health
Gangamma also observed that if one aspect of a student’s life was not working, their inability to manage one aspect of their lives spilled over into other aspects, as well.
Thompson agrees and even formulated her own model illustrating this point she calls, “The Energy Pie.”
“This isn’t based on research or anything,” said Thompson, “but I thought of this thing called The Energy Pie. Just as we have 24 hours to spend in a day, we only have so much energy that we are capable of spending. If this one situation is occupying so much of our energy, that takes energy away from other things like school and sports. It can detract from one’s ability to be focused academically, especially.”
Students can take the opposite route, however, and become hyper focused and block out everything else in their lives.
“It’s not as common, but it definitely happens,” said Thompson. “Some students may become so consumed with schoolwork, or in this case a significant other, that they bring all of their attention to him/her that they don’t socialize with friends or family anymore or neglect exercising, and these patterns mold an unhealthy lifestyle.”
Thompson emphasizes the importance of balance in one’s life in order to achieve a healthy well-being.
“I think that human beings function best when living in a balanced way,” said Thompson. “It is part of the human condition to give your attention to different areas of life.”
To avoid your life becoming out of balance due to a relationship, try getting involved with different club or activities that will force you to focus your mind on other things. Be sure not to over extend yourself with this, however, otherwise it could have adverse effects. Also, set aside quality time with family and friends and concentrate on the healthy relationships in your life.
The silver lining
Looking back, Hannah acknowledges that her life was out of balance when she first came to college and was worried about maintaining her relationship with her hometown boyfriend of three years.
“I was so focused on finding things to do to keep our relationship going and make time for each other that I let it consume me. If I didn’t hear from him one day I couldn’t focus and I couldn’t fall asleep, which as well all know is the last thing a college student needs,” says Hannah.
She also recalls a lack of an appetite, a detachment from her peers and focusing on academics as a result of her preoccupation with preserving her long distance relationship. Once she and her boyfriend established a routine after a few months of adjustment, however, Redfield resumed a balance lifestyle.
There is an increasing amount of research being done on “commuter relationships” and how the issue of commitment affects mental and physical health according to Gangamma.
“I was lucky,” admits Hannah. “It definitely could have gotten out of control if I didn’t have friends and family recognize a change in me. Luckily I just snapped out of it because I was getting used to the idea of being apart, but it’s scary to think what could have happened.”