It happens all the time. You hit that bump in the road just big enough to break up with your (now ex-) boyfriend. We won’t spend time making you wait for the answers on this one.
Cutting right to the chase: here’s what our 14 surveyed guys had to say about topics like when he might (or definitely doesn’t) want to see you after a break-up and if he ever thinks about getting back together – one of the questions some of us collegiettes would pay good money to find out the answer to.
On Where He Hates Running into You
Imagine, a few weeks after a break-up, you’re out on the town with the new guy you’re hanging with. He’s cute. You’re happy. And then you see your most recent ex. We can bet he’ll feel like he was definitely in the wrong place at the wrong time. With that awkward moment in mind, we asked the guys what other places they don’t want to see you right after a break-up.
Here’s where they hope they won’t bump into you:
- “For any type of get-together for [her] accomplishments, or running into [her] with [her] new significant other.” – Matt, University of Wisconsin ’12.
- “Pretty much anytime I’m by myself.” – Robert, State University of New York College of Environmental Science and Forestry ’12.
- “When I’m with my new girlfriend.” – Greg, Ulysses S. Grant High School ’11
- “In line at a store, or anywhere where you are with another girl.” – Joe, Syracuse University ’12.
- “As much as you don't want to feel it, seeing your ex anywhere just after a break-up with someone new gives that stomach-churning feeling.” – Jim, Syracuse University ’12.
- “Drunk. There are too many emotions after a fresh break-up and you tend to voice them (good or bad) when inebriated.” – Francois, Syracuse University ’11.
On How Long He Needs To Cool Off
We asked the boys if, given some time, they’d be fine seeing you in the places they listed above. 42 percent said they need a few weeks at least. This is totally fair, and to be honest, it’s probably good for you as well. 14 percent of them said to leave him alone for a year; then if you still want to, call or Facebook message him to catch up. That year gives him a chance to meet new people and get back on his feet. If you do decide to call him up, keep it to a low-key how-have-you-been convo to set a casual, friendly tone. You don’t want him to feel like he’s jumping back into anything. Francois, Syracuse University, ’11, said to take into account each break-up situation. “Sometimes you aren't too emotionally invested, therefore less time is needed. Sometimes it can take days, sometimes months or a year” before you’re both ready to see or talk to each other again.
On Where He Won’t Mind Seeing You, Post-Break-Up
Even when we’re hurt, or upset, or mad after it ends, sometimes we secretly hope we’ll see him, right? Well here’s when he kinda’ wants to see you, too.
- “At a party with mutual friends.” – Matt, Syracuse University ’12.
- “Catching up over some food.” – Mike, Northeastern University ’13.
- “If we've ended on good terms and have both grown past it. After all, we were obviously very close friends before so why would we want to throw that away?” – Jim, Syracuse University ’12.
- “While I’m taking to someone else at the bar.” – Robert, Syracuse University ’12. We can understand the make-her-jealous tactic here – sometimes it just makes you feel better.
- “If the reason we broke up was resolved.” – Greg, Ulysses S. Grant High School ’11.
- “If we ended on good terms.” – Rory, Syracuse University ’14.
The two answers, “At a party with mutual friends” and “Catching up over some food” both have one thing in common: casual settings. After a break-up, if you’re going to meet up with each other – or you do just by accident – keep the conversation low-key to avoid bringing up any issues or making him feel uncomfortable.