The school year is coming to a close and with final exams wrapping up, there’s a chance you finally found time to meet the guy of your dreams. He’s smart and funny, not to mention a total stud. There’s only one problem standing in the way of your newfound summer love and it’s a matter of miles. Maybe you’re a New England sweetheart and he’s a California surfer dude; maybe he’s a debonair European and you’re heading back to the states after a semester of studying abroad. Either way, you’re now weighing the possibility of doing a long distance relationship for at least the duration of the summer. While the summer seems short-lived, it’s hard to imagine not being able to call your boy up and suggest an impromptu round of drinks at the downtown bar whenever you want. Long distance relationships, no matter the time (and miles) spent apart, are challenging. We consulted Love Stylist Tristan Coopersmith on LDRs.
“LDRs are rigorous relationships,” Coopersmith says. “They take unique investments such as giving up that Friday night frat party in lieu of a Skype date. So you need to ask yourself, what’s it all for? How serious is this relationship? Where does it fit when you think about your future?”
With the advice from our expert and college girls across the country, we’ve listed five questions to ask yourself when you’re deciding whether going long distance is the answer.
How long will the separation last?
Distance is a strain, even on the strongest of relationships. If you’ve gone from spending every weekend with your boyfriend to only seeing each other once a month or so, you’re going to get lonely. Therefore, you should have an idea of how long you’re going to be apart from each other and what the end date will be if there is one. Mara, a senior at UCLA says that having an end date in mind made things easier in her long distance relationship. “I knew I could last a few months without [seeing] him, but having a timeline was motivating to get me through it.”
How busy will you be this summer?
Chances are you’ll be busy this summer. Even though I’m sure most of us would love to spend the summer days ahead lounging in a pool-side beach chair sipping cocktails, you’ll more likely be volunteering to help kids in Ghana or riding the subway in New York City for your internship. No matter what plans you’ve made, you should take your schedule (both yours and his) into consideration when deciding whether to commit to a long distance relationship.
How often will you be able to talk to him and will you get to see each other in person at all?
If you haven’t already, sit down and talk about a schedule. Consider these things: How will you travel? How frequently can you make the trip? Do you have the time off from work, internships, or other responsibilities to visit? Will you alternate visits? Can you even afford to visit each other? Will you split travel costs? And even if bus-hopping and jet-setting aren’t in your summer budget, you’ll still need to find the time to keep in touch. Do you want to text, call, Skype, instant message? Are you someone who wants to talk every day or is once a week best? You can always make changes, of course, but having an idea of how you’re going to keep in touch before you separate will save you a lot of headaches (and goodnight-calls-turned-into-fights) down the road.
Will you be exclusive or not exclusive?
If you haven’t had that “talk” already, you’ll need to decide if you and your boyfriend will be exclusive or if you’ll be OK with him dating other girls while you’re apart. There are no rules, and what works for one couple might not work for others, but you and your partner need to be able to agree on what you’re allowed to do. Amanda, a junior from Emerson College says that choosing to have an open relationship with her boyfriend during their time apart made an LDR more manageable. “When you’re in a long distance relationship, you’re committing to someone without any of the benefits of being together,” she says. “We weren’t super serious, so we decided together that being able to date other people was the best decision for us.”