Desperately trying to understand the inscrutable mind of the college male? Real Live College Guy Joel (replete with a name way cooler than those of RLCGs Joe and Joey) is here to help you out, call you out, write you a poem to show you’re great and to stop worrying, etc. From major emotional drama to the minutiae of social interaction, use him as your one-stop shop for guy advice.
I’m the type of girl who likes making the first move. I’ll call a guy, text him, and even ask him out. Recently, a few guys have said that I’m too aggressive. I don’t want to wait around for a guy, though. Where is the line between being confident and overbearing? – First Mover From Florida State
First Mover,
Well, I think you sound cool. Too many girls spend all their time waiting around for guys to do everything. I personally have gotten really tired of always being the one to initiate things because of societal expectations. It is exhausting and frustrating to always be the one to start conversations, plan time together and make every move only to get the mixed messages inherent in passive acceptance. Guys like to feel wanted too. Besides, this is 2012; girls today have the intelligence and independence to do anything. Why hang on to some twisted sense of chivalry? Meet a guy halfway.
You see someone you want and you pursue him. You are totally honest and upfront about your feelings. You overcome the feelings of doubt and shyness that go along with putting yourself out there. That’s impressive. The problem is that many guys buy into the same idea that they need to make all the moves. With a girl like you, some will be intimidated.
As with guys, there are obvious boundaries to what’s appropriate. Don’t text or call a guy multiple times a day. I can’t emphasize this enough. Unless you have a funny or interesting story that you know he will like, he won’t be interested and he might get annoyed. The average girl seems to be under the impression that if she peppers a guy with constant questions about what he’s doing tonight and how his classes are going, he will like her. Unless he’s initiated the conversation or you have something witty and profound to say, just don’t text him.
Don’t get impatient with silences. If you text a guy to ask him to hang out, don’t text him again an hour later if he doesn’t promptly respond. Also, never ever use multiple modes of communication in the same day to talk to a guy. Don’t text him, then Facebook chat him when he’s online but hasn’t texted you back. Only high-schoolers and creepers use Internet chats at all, so stick only to communication over the phone or perhaps email.
All guys are different, so gauge a guy’s responses carefully in each situation before thinking about what to do next. Curt, unenthused responses, or total silence indicate it’s just not happening. You should be straightforward and honest about your thoughts, but if you convey your feelings in a really serious or intense manner the guy will get intimidated. Keep it casual. Most importantly, do not be overly persistent if the guys conveys, implicitly or explicitly, that he’s not interested.
Sadly, you could be keeping all these things in mind and still turning some guys off. If a guy thinks you’re aggressive when you’re just confident, then he’s not worth your time. Keep doing what you’re doing while respecting others’ boundaries, and you’ll find plenty of guys impressed with your strong persona.