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Real Live College Guy Andy: Should I Tell Him I Like Him If I'm Going Abroad?

Posted Dec 28 2012 - 7:00pm

Do you ever find yourself shrugging your shoulders and settling on the "boys will be boys" conclusion? Real Live College Guy Andy is here to show you that mature men do (in fact) exist. He has an uncanny ability to sort out the good guys from the bad apples and is here to bring you the best in college love advice.

When I first got to school as a freshman, I met this guy. After learning how much in common we had and hanging out, I became totally head over heels for him. The conversations were incredible and things between us just seemed to flow naturally and effortlessly, it was unlike anything else that I've ever experienced before. Anyways, by Christmas break, things kinda fizzled out, though I still had a crush on him and I tried to move on. But soon after we got back, he started flirting again and I went back into my hole. The same thing as the previous semester happened. No matter what though, it always seemed like we had this unique bond.

Now, I'm a sophomore, he's a senior, and I leave to study abroad in January. I'm still crushing hard on him and even though he's miserable at texting, when we do see each other, it always seems like we're flirting or something. It’s so weird. Some people say that he's super shy and wouldn't make a move, but I'm not totally convinced. However, a big part of me wants to not creepily tell him how great he is before I leave, just to gain closure. Is it a smart idea? [Then] so if he feels similarly, dating isn't totally out of the question [when I get back]? - Confused at Quinnipiac

Confused,

No, no, no, that's a bad idea. Admitting feelings for each other before you leave for your awesome semester abroad will only leave both of you in an awkward spot. You won't yet be a couple and the whole expectation of keeping in touch will be too much of a burden.

Not to mention, you don't want anything preventing you from completely immersing yourself in the new culture while studying abroad.

If you tell him how you feel and he returns those feelings then there is a high probability of both of you being sexually frustrated during the time apart. And it will only complicate matters.

You also have to consider whether you want a long distance open relationship. Like is he free to see other girls back at school during the time you're gone? Are you allowed to hook up with the cute Italian guy you meet on your trip to Venice? It just creates too many questions and uncertainties about where the two of you stand if you've admitted feelings for each other right before your trip.

When your flatmates want to go out to the bars on a Friday night and mingle with the locals, you don't want to be the one left behind Skyping with this guy, do you? A trip abroad is about taking advantage of new opportunities and creating new memories that you otherwise wouldn't get from home. And hypothetically speaking, what if you had some sort of relationship with this guy and then broke up during your time abroad? Do you really want to risk being heartbroken while away from your family and friends?

The guy you like at school will still be there when you return. And your homecoming is an adequate time to tell him how you feel and maybe, just maybe DTR. Yes, you are taking a risk that he may meet someone else while you're gone. But this is a once in a life-time opportunity that, unless you were already in a serious relationship, deserves 100 percent of your attention.

There will always be time for boys at school when you're back on campus but you'll only have so much time abroad to see the sites and meet those Cristiano Ronaldo/Javier Bardem look-a-likes!

Simply put, wait ‘til you get back to talk to this guy. Doing so will allow both of you to better enjoy your semesters.

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