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A few weekends ago I (regrettably, drunkenly) hooked up with a guy I’ve had quite a crush on. At first, I really thought everything was great (pillow talk, he stayed over, morning cuddling, breakfast, etc.) but a few days later, he texted me saying he “felt bad” about what had happened and that drunken hookups aren’t the kind of thing he normally does. To be honest, I was kind of insulted and brushed him off. But to my surprise, he sent me a very friendly text a few days later, and now we’ve been intermittently texting every few days since then. I am SO confused. I really enjoy talking to him and thought we had great chemistry and would love to have a relationship with him, but I feel like our drunken hookup has sort of marred me in his eyes. Seems like he’s the type of mythical respectable guy who actually wants to get to know a girl before he hooks up with her. That being said, what in the world is going on between us?— Mixed Signals at Merrimont
Mixed Signals,
Arghhhh no. Stop. Honestly I don’t think this is a particularly complicated or dire situation. This guy has been nothing but nice, and you’re on good terms with him. It sounds as if the hook-up was a really positive experience. You are not misreading anything.
I don’t think the type of guy you described is “mythical,” but that is besides the point. This guy probably immensely enjoyed hooking up with you. I think he said he felt bad because he was worried you felt bad. Drunken hook-ups, even with someone you’re generally interested in, still have some shameful connotations. To put it simply, some nice guys like hooking up but don’t want girls to know that they like hooking up. He wanted to make sure that you knew that this wasn’t just a drive-by (ick I’m quoting Train). What makes you believe you’ve been marred in his eyes? It sounds as if he hasn’t blamed you for anything.
Of course, he completely misinterpreted your perspective. You had a great time too. No wonder you were offended. He should have realized that you were comfortable with the situation. I think he was just kind of clueless, but what guy isn’t at some point? I think if you like him you should definitely get to know him better, so he can get a better sense of who you are as a person. Don’t be afraid to take the initiative and suggest casually hanging out. It sounds like he enjoys your company, so try just spending some time with him, with the possibility of hooking up totally removed from the equation. Getting close to each other by going slowly will put both of you on the same page, and I actually think things will progress nicely from there.