A Disney Princess Guide to Your Not So Happily Ever After

Remember way back in the ‘90s when you wanted to grow up to be a Disney Princess? Maybe you dressed up as Cinderella for Halloween or never went anywhere without your trusty royal tiara or sparkly heels. Or maybe, like me, you dressed up the family dog as the Little Mermaid just for laughs. As collegiettes™, we were raised on Disney movies from Snow White to Cinderella, from Sleeping Beauty to Beauty and the Beast,and we learned more than a few simple lessons in love. We were taught to believe that every girl is a princess and deserves a prince, as well as her own happily ever after ending.

But now, after frat boys and weekend hookups, awkward drunk texting mishaps and secretly pining for that cute guy who sits next to you in English class, a happily ever after seems pretty hard to come by on campus… but that’s what we’re supposed to believe, right? If there’s one thing Disney has drilled into us, it’s that dreams really do come true.
 
But if you pop in one of these classic VHS tape fairy tales and read beyond the basic princess-meets-prince storyline, you’ll come to realize that real life lessons can be learned from our favorite princesses. Here’s a comprehensive guide to finding your own happily ever after, brought to you by our favorite Disney fairytales and the princesses we idolized as little girls.

Snow White
As "the fairest in the land," Disney’s first princess, Snow White, is just like thatgirl at the kegger. You know the type – she loves attention from guys and she needs a group of them circled around her at all times. Co-ed living isn’t so out of the norm, but living with seven guys? That sounds like a frat house. Yuck. And although Snow White wasn’t hooking up with Sneezy, Dopey, and Grumpy, she’s definitely acting like their housewife. She caters to their every whim, cleans their house (with rabid cute and cuddly woodland animals), and cooks them hot meals, all the while waiting around for Prince Charming to ride in on his noble steed and sweep her off her feet. For lack of a better term, she’s a doormat for guys, not to mention a bit of a drama queen.
 
Princess Lesson #1 – Don’t be a Doormat for Guys
Want to make a prince campus cutie fall head over heels in love with you? Hanging around a house full of guys probably isn’t the best bet. Playing the jealousy card can backfire in the worst way. Not to mention that letting guys walk all over you and acting like a servant does not create respect in a relationship, and no one wants someone they can’t respect.
 
Sleeping Beauty
Picture this – you fall into a magical, semi-conscious stupor only to be awakened by the kiss of a prince. This sounds a little all-too familiar doesn’t it, collegiettes™? It sounds to me like Princess Aurora aka “Sleeping Beauty” had one too many margaritas at the bar with her friends on Thirsty Thursday and woke up to a sloppy frat boy sucking her face.

Princess Lesson #2 – Avoid Drunk Hook-ups
If there’s one thing you can learn from Sleeping Beauty (and one too many vodka tonics), it’s this: drunken hookups are not sexy. Despite what happens in the movie, we know that not every guy who kisses you back to life or who you meet in the woods alone (creeper much?) is a prince. If you want to meet real guys and not just opportunists hanging by the bar, avoid Aurora’s scenario. And as for the “evil witch” who cast that spell? Well, we’ll just call her Smirnoff and leave it at that.