If you looked up “hopeless romantic” in the dictionary, Real Live College Guy Pat would be standing there smiling and waving back to you. As a college guy himself, Pat has witty opinions on all the stupid situations guys seem to end up in. From relationships, to friends with benefits, to altogether lacks thereof, Real Live College Guy Pat has all your answers and more!
I am a really shy person with lots of insecurities! But there is this guy in my college class whom I am really interested in. On the second session of our class he asked me about the email address of the professor, but ever since that day we haven't talked or even said “hi.”
My question is: How can I approach him without looking desperate or scaring him away? As hard as I think I can't find any questions I could ask him or any way to strike up a conversation. There are almost 200 people in the lecture hall so even sitting somewhere near him and catching his eye is difficult. How can I go about it without making a fool of myself and skipping class out of embarrassment afterwards? - Shy at Syracuse
Based on your interaction with this boy thus far, you won’t look desperate at all. Your relationship with this boy is practically non-existent, so talking to him is basically no different than meeting him for the first time.
The big thing for you right now is to simply get noticed. Don’t take for granted that he knows who you are, because in such a big lecture hall and a university, he really might not. Does he sit in the same spot in class every day? It’s not over the top to find a seat near his (ideally, in front of him and in his line of sight) to get noticed. Suddenly, the new girl sitting in front of him every day could become the new girl he talks to every day and so on. What would be over the top is getting to class early, seeing where he sits, and then moving your seat after he sits down.
Another tip? Ditch the normal sweats-and-a-sweatshirt combo that a lot of college girls wear and dress up a bit. You might as well stand out and give him something to remember. Guys notice those things. We may not remember exactly what your outfit was, but we notice when it’s different than everyone else’s. Further, don’t be afraid to “accidentally” drop your books and see if he helps you pick them up or even bump into him by mistake to catch his eye on the way out of class. It’s not too forward. It’s clever, cute, and just might work.
Overall, you need to be remembered. If all else fails, try to participate in class a lot. Ask questions, answer questions, and do anything you can do to have your voice heard and attention focused solely on you. I always know the cute girls who participate and grab my attention every class. I typically remember their names and usually, I want to learn more about them. When you’re forced to be in a room for an hour or more multiple times a week, anything that breaks up the endless droning of the professor is memorable to guys who (let’s face it) have short attention spans. Use this to your advantage. If you see him around on campus, make sure you smile and say hello to him by name every time! Even if he doesn’t know your name, he’ll probably feel bad about it and make a point to learn your name and say hi to the friendly, currently nameless girl he sees every day. It’s not pathetic, it’s fighting the mass numbers of people to stand out. Little steps can make big impressions. Make a point of getting him to notice and recognize you, and things will be easier from there.
As for conversation starters, talk about things from class. If you took my advice above and participated in class a lot, that’s an easy and reliable fallback. Do you have any mutual friends in the class? If so, use them as an avenue to meet this boy! Try to look at him as a friend first and the nerves will go away and conversation will start to flow. Once you get to know him better, it will be much easier to talk to him. Remember, the best relationships start as close friendships.
Ultimately, take a deep breath and don’t overwhelm yourself. While talking to that cute guy can be overwhelming and scary, it doesn’t have to be. The worst that can happen is that he doesn’t really give you any attention and it doesn’t work out. If that happens though, it’s okay! You don’t have anything to lose right now and, if he isn’t interested in you, he doesn’t know what he is missing out on!
Girl in class