“Summer lovin’ had me a blast, Summer lovin’ happened so fast” – be careful before you belt out those first words. Although dating in the summer should be carefree and fun, sometimes sticky situations arise. Just imagine meeting a gorgeous guy on the beach and then finding out he used to date your roomie, or picture having a fling with your best friend’s brother only to still be daydreaming about your ex. College girls just like you share their sticky summer dating situations. Dr. Carole Lieberman, psychiatrist and author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets, tells us what’s good and bad about each situation, and most importantly, what to do about it.
The Situation: You’re secretly hooking up and hanging out with an old high school friend
Rachelle*, a New York University student says, “Over the summer, I’ve started hanging out again with a friend from high school who has since broken up with his high school girlfriend, but it’s super sticky since we are friends with a lot of the same people and no one knows we have started hooking up/hanging out ... It’d be weird if they did know since we were all so close in high school.”
Pros: The first good thing about this situation for Rachelle and other collegiettes™ facing a similar dating dilemma is that you can conveniently hook up with this guy without having to deal with the whole long-distance thing. And since he went to high school with you and is in your same friend group, you know about his past – there are no dirty little secrets lurking under his handsome self. Dr. Lieberman says, “It can feel warm, comfortable and nostalgic to hook up with an old high school friend.”
Cons: Notice the phrase, “has since broken up with his high school girlfriend.” I’m not sure how much time has elapsed since said breakup, but if it has only been a few weeks or even a few months, proceed with caution. Since you haven’t told your friends the two of you are hooking up/hanging out, they may get mad when the secret is finally out. According to Dr. Lieberman, “The danger lies in falling for him and confusing nostalgia for love.”
What To Do: It seems as though the secretive aspect of this relationship is really getting to you, but if you like the guy, you should continue seeing him. You should both tell your friends you are hooking up (remember the old saying, “secrets don’t make friends”). If the guy and his ex have been broken up for a while, it shouldn’t be a problem to anyone. Who knows? There may even be another romance brewing in your circle of friends.