Call it quits if he seems at all hesitant or things seem forced.
Hopefully, you and your partner have talked about what your summers will look like and have started discussing where your relationship stands as summer looms closer and closer. If he’s being hesitant in these discussions, is unclear about what he’ll be doing over the summer or where he’ll be, seems uninterested in discussing it, or refuses to participate at all, alarm bells should be going off in your mind.
Think about where the two of you stand as a couple as well. If you started hanging out with a large group of friends or have mostly been going to “dates” at parties or as part of a group, are you sure this is someone you really want to be in a serious, steady relationship with over the summer?
Dr. Ruskin also cautions collegiettes to refrain from pushing too hard to make a relationship work. “Do not force the couple to be together out of fear of losing each other,” she advises. Make sure you’re not just looking for a relationship for the wrong reasons, either. Just like any other relationship you’re in, don’t cling to someone solely because you don’t want to be the only singleton, there’s pressure from friends or family to be with a certain person, or you display other signs of an unhealthy relationship.
This is one of those situations where you just need to go with your gut. All cheesiness aside, let your feelings guide your decision-making. If something doesn’t feel right or something seems off about your significant other’s behavior, don’t ignore it or write those feelings off out of fear of losing your partner or being alone over the summer.
Stick with it if summer means you’ll have more time for the relationship.
Your schedule is jam-packed with meetings, classes, tests, papers, quizzes, girls’ nights and about a million other commitments. Sound like your calendar? If you or your partner maintains a super busy schedule, summer could be a great time to re-connect and strengthen your relationship. Dr. Ruskin agrees, and says “the summer could be a time to grow the relationship if that is what you both want to do and your schedules allow.” Take some time this summer to connect with that special someone if you’re interested in staying together.
Be cautious though: schedules can swing both ways. Dr. Ruskin explains, “Do be aware that if your schedules and interests over the summer do not support the growth of a relationship, then keep it casual or open.”
If you’re going to be spending your days running around Capitol Hill for an internship and attending different networking functions and events in the evenings while your guy is busy picking up shifts at his own job, lack of time to talk and catch up could easily become a source of stress for the two of you, making a relationship a precarious thing.
Think twice if you’re weighing the pros and cons.
Mike Domitrz, a relationship expert and author of several books on dating and marriage offers some sage advice for those mulling over a potential summer relationship. “If you are asking ‘IF’ you should make a new relationship work over the summer, you may already know the answer. The fact you are asking early in the relationship whether you should stay in it may be a sign you are not committed to the effort necessary to make the relationship work,” he advises.
A decision like this isn’t one you’ll be able to make right away. It’s also probably not a decision with a clear-cut answer. But don’t let distance be the only thing standing in your way.
Make sure to talk things over with your significant other, and figure out what you both are looking for in a relationship and where yours is headed. With time, an answer the both of you can feel comfortable with will undoubtedly surface, making your summer even more relaxing.