Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can providethe lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives. College-aged men are walking paradoxes, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be understood. Read on and discover how to deal with their good, bad and (often times) confusing mannerisms.
So I have a cute guy friend whom I love talking with, which is major because I usually feel awkward around guys; we will have drinks every so often since the study group we're in is quite intense. He is very confident, intelligent, and charismatic, which I find attractive. I didn't think he noticed me in that way because guys usually don't, but one night we both got drunk and hooked up, which is something I usually never do. I left him alone for a bit afterward because I didn't want him thinking I was a clinger, but now we have gotten back to hanging out, having drinks, and talking. One night we talked for three hours about everything, including sex (not in relation to us). But I always have to initiate making plans and establishing contact. So I guess my question has multiple parts. What is he thinking now? Does he still (or did he ever) find me attractive? Would he get jealous if I hooked up with other guys (since I am now casually hooking up with his roommate's friend)? Would his roommate tell him I am hooking up with his friend? What would he be thinking since I think it was only a drunken hookup for him? If he texted me back asking if I was "going to drug him and rape him" when I texted him that I needed him to come to my apartment (it was an emergency and not a booty call), what does that mean? Thanks! - Clueless at Clemson
Jeez, you’re really hung up on this.
Ok, let’s break this behemoth inquiry down question-by-question.
1. Well he’s probably not thinking anything of it now. If you two recently hung out, talked for hours and nothing happened, then you’re golden.
2. I don’t know why you’d be concerned about whether he found you (or still finds you) attractive. If you two hung out for so long and hooked up – even if you were drunk - he must have found you attractive. As much as guys claim otherwise, there has to be plenty of physical attraction for us to hook up with any woman. That’s just how we’re wired. And since you two were close before, he must have also found you attractive in the intelligent, emotional sense. However, if he’s not texting/calling for more late-night hook-ups, he sees you as a friend. He’s not thinking relationship.
3. Since he isn’t thinking relationship, he probably won’t be jealous of your other hook-ups. His friend on the other hand… I could use a few “guy” terms here, but depending on how competitive they are as acquaintances your current hook-up might actually be the jealous party. However, I’m sure if both found out, they’d just shrug it off.
4. Again, he’s probably thinking nothing of it at this point. It was a one-time occurrence—nothing more.
5. Did he say that he would only come over if you don’t drug him? What a funny guy. If he shot you that response, he’s a) trying to make light of an awkward conversation and b) indicating that he would swing by—as long as you don’t slip him a roofie. I’m assuming you won’t, so he’ll respond to your emergencies.
In short, don’t look too far into it or overanalyze. You both know what happened, but you’re moving on and continuing the friend dynamic that originally brought you together. Just relax and take that for what it is.