Desperately trying to understand the inscrutable mind of the college male? Real Live College Guy Joel (replete with a name way cooler than those of RLCGs Joe and Joey) is here to help you out, call you out, write you a poem to show you’re great and to stop worrying, etc. From major emotional drama to the minutiae of social interaction, use him as your one-stop shop for guy advice.
I met a really awesome guy at a party and that night, we ended up having sex. He seemed crazy about me; kept asking me what I was looking for dating-wise, if I was interested in him, why I liked him - everything! I was a little freaked out and told him so but he didn't seem too fazed. I agreed to meet up with him the next weekend at a party and the same exact thing happened again (excessive future talk and sex included). I haven't heard from him since and now that it has been a while and I've had time to assess my feelings, I kind of miss him. What's this guy's deal? Did he really just say these things thinking they would win me over to sleep with him a second time? –Duped at Duke
Duped at Duke,
You sound as confused as anyone else would in your situation. Beyond being personally painful for you, this sounds just bizarre. It’s normal for you to miss this guy, now that it seems he is gone forever, but you have to try to stop feeling this way. Regret will get you nowhere. You’re only making it harder on yourself.
As all your friends have likely told you, he is either a manipulative creep or just really fickle. He probably was really attracted to you but not looking for anything serious. Some guys will shower a girl with attention for a month, a week, a night or just an hour and then simply move on to another one. They say every single thing that pops in their head when in the heat of the moment without considering how it might be received. This is just the way some guys are. He is probably more like an ADD kid than a creepy predator, and he has no idea how much he has hurt you. There is no logical way to explain why his brain works like that, so stop obsessing over his motivation.
He must have been pretty charming for you to like him enough to sleep with him that night, but, from the unbiased perspective of my computer screen, the whole situation sounds really odd. You said you were freaked out during both encounters, but you still had sex with him both times. So whatever he said clearly worked, and the fact that he’s incommunicado indicates he took what he wanted and put you out of his mind.
Now put him out of your mind. Start thinking about yourself. Consider what it was that caused you to so quickly put your trust in a guy you knew nothing about. Try to learn something about your own personality, and go out and meet new guys with these weapons of self-knowledge. Don’t become cynical about men. What happened is not normal; it honestly sounds like something out of a Lifetime Original Movie. There are lots of great guys who won’t swoop into, and definitely not out of, your life so quickly. Try not to give this creep, and whatever allure he embodied, another thought.