Desperately trying to understand the inscrutable mind of the college male? Real Live College Guy Joel (replete with a name way cooler than those of RLCGs Joe and Joey) is here to help you out, call you out, write you a poem to show you’re great and to stop worrying, etc. From major emotional drama to the minutiae of social interaction, use him as your one-stop shop for guy advice.
Is it worth it to go after a guy who is BFFs with a girl who is a complete b*tch to you? Do guys discuss other females with their female BFFs? -B*tched Out at Bates
B*tched Out at Bates,
Most guys worth knowing have at least one girl confidant. I personally confide a lot in my female friends, and I really respect their opinion about people. That being said, I know the type of girls I’m attracted to, and I would never let my friends help me choose girls. I use female friends more as resources that help me decide how to tackle certain situations. They’re like my RLCG(irls). If I think dating a certain girl is going to make me happy, then my friends respect that, even if they don’t personally care for my person of interest.
If you’re just concerned about this girl saying mean things about you, don’t worry about it. You should absolutely go after this guy if you like him. Guys, including me, think that women are absolutely vicious to other women. I once had a group of my friends claim that a girl I liked was a convicted shoplifter. They had no proof for this, obviously. I find it’s best to take feminine snark with a grain of salt. For instance, don’t you think calling this girl a “complete b*tch” is just a tiny bit overdramatic?
You’re making two big assumptions. The first is that this girl is going to badmouth you; she actually might start to make an effort if she sees the two of you getting close. The more serious issue of your problems lies with the guy. Do you have reason for thinking that he’d listen to what she says? You should absolutely stay clear of someone whose feelings for you might be shaped so easily by others. This girl may indeed be awful; if that’s the case, you don’t want to pursue something with a guy who enjoys hanging out with that. But I would say you’re dramatically assuming the absolute worst about a bunch of factors outside of your control. Just follow what your instincts tell you about whether this guy is worth getting close to.