The "Hook-Up at Home" Guide: From Old Flames to Horny Next-Door Neighbors

Posted Jun 19 2012 - 12:00am
Tagged With: home, Love

Just when you thought you would never see those past high school hook-ups again, you do. The funny thing about summer break is that everyone has one, leading to a repopulation of your hometown with every single boy from your pre-college days. How stressful!
 
Luckily, we can break down the overly complicated romantic situations of every single one of your high school conquests (or defeats) into generic straightforward categories that your idle summer brain will be able to process easily, each rated with cute faces that will guide you to the right decision: to hookup, or not to hookup?
 
Just follow these simple ratings, and you will navigate the land mine of hometown guys with ease:
 Ticking Time Bomb: going to probably blow-up in your face and ruin the whole summer so save yourself the pain while you can.

One Time Thing: strictly convenient for a random lonely night, so use discretion.

 A Gamble: will most likely get messy when fall semester starts so establish boundaries early to make sure you are on the same page.

 Good Luck: go for it but keep it carefree, fun, and casual.

The Next-Door Neighbor

Some of you might be as fortunate enough to have an unbelievably hot next-door neighbor who reciprocates your crush, so the occasional late-night booty call over the summer is to be expected. The great thing about a next-door neighbor hook up is you can just shrug and tell your parents he occasionally walks into the wrong house and accidentally falls asleep in your bed. Everyone knows boys aren’t that smart; it’s a great excuse. 

Rating: smilie with duct tape over closed mouth

The Serious Old Flame

You run into your high school boyfriend of two years at the local coffee shop and after some awkward small talk (“How’s school been?” “Good, you?” “Good.”), he suggests getting together for a casual dinner to catch up and says you should call him sometime. This is tricky territory, HC readers, because we know you will be extremely tempted to call him when you are lying in bed, remembering all the good times you had together cuddling and how sexy he looked in just a simple white t-shirt. 
 
Whether you just want to have some good conversation with him again or are longing for that special bedroom trick only he knows how to do, you will probably convince yourself a simple dinner date seems so harmless – and who cares if things get a little steamy again during the summer?The great thing about summer is that it has an official ending, right? Wrong. The two of you broke up for a reason, and it is much easier to remember the good times and forget the bad when you get lonely at home. Starting something with an old flame is not anything like having a carefree summer fling since you already have so much history together.
 Rating:

 The Boy You Never Spoke to Before but is Suddenly Extremely Good Looking

Remember that boy in high school who seemed really nice but nothing too special? Well there he is again at the local bar, but now he seems so… different. A little more confidence, a toned body, a new haircut, and a nice summer tan has transformed the “nothing special” nice-boy from high school into the hottie of your boring hometown. Sitting down next to him, you strike up conversation like old friends and reminisce about the quaintness of high school, how college has made you more mature, or whatever, and ask playfully why you guys were never friends in high school since you get along so well now.

Oh hey there Neville.

You exchange numbers and the summer suddenly shines so brightly in your mind's-eye. It seems like there is nothing to lose: you have enough in common to perpetuate conversation on dates, and there is still enough mystery to keep things interesting. 

Rating: 


 

The Rando from that One Party Sophomore Year

We all share at least one memory: the one out-of-control suburban house party in high school where everyone who is anyone attended, with people skinny-dipping in the pool, throwing around the host’s valuables, and drawing on the family cat with permanent marker. Just change the town and the people, and it’s the same party. There was that guy who you always flirted with in your Spanish class and when you both grabbed for the same Keystone Light your hands gently touched.

 

One thing led to another and suddenly, you are making out on a couch next to a passed-out kid that no one knows with the taste of stale beer mingling in your mouth. The nextSpanish class you smile at each other, but otherwise pretend like it never happened – you anxiously wonder if he even remembers it happened – and that’s that. Flash forward four years, and he spontaneously writes on your Facebook wall. Since you have been intimate before, it is possible a reconnection could escalate very quickly. 
Rating: 

Follow this simple guide anytime you consider mingling with men from your past, and you will have a summer jam-packed full of excitement that’s laced with just enough common sense to make yourself proud. 

Photo Source
harrypotter.wikia.com
Warner Bros.

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