Your best friend’s guy is off-limits. Or is he? Some girls wouldn’t think twice about having anything to do with a friend’s ex-boyfriend, but others manage to find “legal” loopholes and ways to justify doing it. Then there are the guys you just hooked up with – and while you know you have impeccable taste in men and can’t really blame your girlfriends for wanting a piece of that action – you find it odd to discover that a friends of yours hooked up with the same guy as you. Is that okay?
Before you decide to trade in your friends for not following the Girl Code, maybe you should make sure you and they know what it is.
Ellie Scarborough, founder and queen bee of Pink Kisses, a website dedicated to helping girls recover from breakups, shares her answers on how to handle five common situations that come up between girlfriends and exes. Dan Lier from ASK Dan & Mike gives us a guy’s perspective and explains how to deal with these delicate situations. And some of our (not-always-so-innocent) collegiettes™ weigh in.
Can you date a friend’s ex-boyfriend?
Scarborough: Let’s be honest – there’s something seductive about a guy who’s off-limits, but he’s off-limits for a reason. There are billions, literally billions of guys out there. Why do you have to pull one right out from under your friend’s nose? Friendships are built on trust, and that trust is violated when you dig into one another’s “leftovers.”
Lier: You can do anything you want, but like all actions, there are consequences. Dating your friend's ex will change your relationship with her without a doubt. So, depending on how important your friend is to you, this might be something to consider. Generally speaking, it’s not a good idea and you will most likely lose your friendship with the girl. If she is not the kind of person who is a true friend anyway, then go for it.
Jessica, University of Pittsburgh 2010 graduate: I was the girl who dated my friend’s ex. Samantha and I weren’t great friends to begin with, but we moved in the same circle and she was really good friends with my roommate. So when I started dating Samantha’s ex, the entire group of friends divided—most of them sided with Samantha, including my roommate. It took about a year before Samantha finally re-friended me on Facebook (the modern-day equivalent to being on speaking terms again!), but I still don’t think she’s forgiven me to this day. I could have brought the situation up with her and found out if she was comfortable with it beforehand, but I probably would’ve dated him either way. They dated for six months. We dated for two years. They don’t talk anymore. He and I talk every day.