Guys vs. Girls: Is there a double standard?
If this were HisCampus instead of Her Campus, this discussion might never be had. But, ladies, it’s time to face the music. We’re held to an awful double standard in many aspects of our lives, only furthered by stereotypes that have been created. Still, let’s advocate objectivity – guys are subjected to their fair share of labels, too.
One stereotype is that a guy will do anything to hit it and quit it, while the feelings of his latest conquest(s) are irrelevant. Yet there are still a great few that would balk at the idea of hooking up with two gals at the same time. But these split mentalities surely exist within the ladies, too. So, the question remains: is there a double standard?
“I definitely think there is,” says Danai, a student at Harvard. “If a guy hooks up with a bunch of girls, he’s the man, but if a girl does it, she’s a skanky ho.” Labels are thrown so much quicker and stick so much longer on a girl than on a guy.
There’s also the double standard that guys can sleep around with whomever they want and not get attached while girls can’t. But that’s not only a double standard in the minds of college guys and girls; it’s scientific!
“Women have a hormone called oxytocin that causes them to bond emotionally with men they are having sex with,” Shield says. “It is almost inevitable that most women will get attached in these situations. It doesn’t work.” Whether or not we’re predisposed to become attached more easily, many girls still go there.
Why do we do it?
Girls consistently hook up with multiple guys for a slew of reasons (though it’s certainly not fair to pin them on each one who’s ever done so). Maybe a select few really are just out to have a good time. They don’t have the feelings to transform either relationship into something intimate, so they keep hooking up with more than one guy. But as Shield has discovered, “Very few women have the ability to have sex with someone without feeling some sort of emotional connection to the man.”
Hooking up as a means of waiting for him to develop emotional feelings in return, though, is a disaster waiting to happen. While the movies may glorify sex and its powers as a way to make a man fall in love, few long-lasting relationships start with a casual hook-up. “Learn to share your head before you share your bed,” says Shield. “Take this time to learn how to create emotional intimacy with a partner, not just sexual intimacy. Otherwise, you might wake up in your late 30s or 40s and wonder why you’re still single.”
Erica, a student at the University of Michigan, sees hooking up with multiple guys as a thrill but also as a form of emotional protection. “When I was hooking up with multiple guys at once, it was great getting texts from both of them and being able to choose whom I was in the mood to see that day,” she says. “But if one of the guys moves on to another girl, you’ve still got someone else.”