At The End Of The Date
So, you’re on a date that’s winding down and you followed the previous guidelines: you didn’t get too personal, you were honest about your feelings, and you avoided bodily contact. He clearly wasn’t reading your signals and says:
I had a great time… When can I see you again?
If he still asks about a second date at the night’s conclusion (or even the next day via call or text) you’re going have to give him some tough love. You don’t have to go out with him again, so here are three ways to alleviate the awkwardness and make sure he gets the hint:
4. Say: You Don’t Have Time to Devote To Him
At first glance, this may seem counterintuitive because you made time to go on the date. But if you felt that the date was rough then you truly don’t have time to devote to him. You may not be too busy to go on a first date, but you ARE too busy to go on a bad second date. “In the middle of the semester, I really value my free time. If I were to go on a bad date, I would honestly consider it time wasted. Why would I go on another one that I knew was probably going to be bad when I could be hanging with friends or out looking for a new guy?” –Kylie, University of Kansas
How do you use this reasoning to escape your date with ease? Use these points to craft a good reason why the end of this date should be a permanent ending:
- You put a lot of focus and effort into what you are involved in (e.g. your friend/family relationships, your work, your grades, your outside activities).
- It is important to you that you maximize your time with the things you focus on.
- So, you don’t think that you have the time to fit him into your life.
You don’t have to make it about him personally, but you don’t have to lie, either. He’s not important enough to you to justify carving time out of your busy schedule to go on another date. Worded nicely, he should understand.
5. Say: You Aren’t Looking For Commitment
Again, this reasoning could seem like a lie based on the fact that you went out on a date. But the fact that you aren’t looking for commitment WITH HIM is not a lie. Here are a few different things you can say to make this point in a nice way:
- “I think you are a really great person, but I think that I might not be ready for the kind of relationship that you are looking for. Dating right now isn’t feeling as natural as I think it should feel.”
- “I don’t know if I’m in a place right now that I would feel comfortable committing to dating you regularly. Based on my life right now, I want to approach dating casually so that I can decide if I’m ready for something more.”
“When a guy that I’d had a rough date with texted me about going out (again) a few days later, I told him, ‘Going out with you was a great experience, but I’ve realized that I just don’t see myself committing to this right now. I’m sorry and I hope we can still be friends!’ I felt bad, but I was being honest. I did not see myself in a relationship with him and hopefully he appreciated the fact that I wasn’t playing games.” –Kylie, University of Kansas