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5 Signs You Should Make the First Move

Posted Jul 2 2014 - 7:00pm

You’ve met a really great guy around campus, and things seem to be going well. You flirt, you text and you hang out, but for some reason, he just won’t make the first move. Every sign indicates that he’s into you, but instead of dating, you’re stuck frantically checking your phone for texts and refreshing his Facebook and Twitter pages for any kind of information. It’s driving you crazy!

Some guys are just a bit shyer than others and might never make the first move. However, that shouldn’t stop you from scoring a first date! Here are a few indications that it might be time to ask him out, and tips for how to do it.

The Signs He Likes You

1. He’s vague with plans

When you’re trying to make plans with a guy, there’s nothing more frustrating than the word “sometime.”

“My first two years of school, I knew this guy named Dillon. We were always together, we texted and talked on the phone almost every day and his friends had told me he liked me,” says Hannah, a senior at the University of Colorado. “I used to get so frustrated though, because, despite all of that, he never actually asked me out.”  

According to Carole Lieberman, a psychiatrist and relationship expert, vague suggestions about going out “sometime,” “next time” or “soon” show that he’s definitely interested in hanging out, but for some reason isn’t prepared to nail down a date and time.

2. He texts, but never calls

You’ve been texting this guy nonstop and your conversations are great. His jokes are perfect and his emojis are on point, but he just won’t pick up the phone and call.

Lieberman says this shows that he enjoys talking to you, but he’s just uncertain of how to take your communication – and your relationship – to the next level.

3. He has good body language

For some guys, actions really do speak louder than words. While you may be frustrated with his lack of verbal commitment, don’t forget to pay attention to his body language. If he makes a lot of eye contact with you or chooses to stand or sit close to you, then you can be sure he’s interested.

The most important piece of body language, according to Lieberman, is lots of smiling. She says a guy who flirts with you without making any sexual advances may actually be very interested. This means that you’re more than just a possible one-night stand to him – you’re girlfriend material

4. You’re stuck as his plus-one

Weekends in college are filled with parties, casual hangouts and large group events. A sure sign that a guy is interested in you is if he’s constantly inviting you to these as his plus-one. Being his date shows that you’re on his mind and that he’s comfortable spending time with you.

“I was really into this girl during my sophomore year, but for a really long time I wasn’t sure she liked me,” says Matt, a junior at Boston University. “Instead of just going for it and asking her out, I usually just defaulted to taking her with me to friends’ parties and casual hangouts.”

5. He talks about you

Sometimes when a guy knows he likes you, he finds it easier to talk to anyone but you about it. If he won’t stop talking about you to his guy friends and won’t stop asking your girl friends about you, then chances are he’s head over heels.

“My first semester, I had class with a really great girl. We had talked a few times and I knew I liked her, but I didn’t know how to get to know her more,” says Griffin, a sophomore at Belmont University. “We had a mutual friend, so I spent a lot of time asking her for tips about this girl’s hobbies or interests. I figured it would be a better way to start up conversation.”

Do any of these signs sound like your guy? It might just be time to make your move!

How to Ask Him Out

If you’ve decided that the best thing is for you to ask him out, make sure you know exactly how to do it. For Lieberman, asking a guy out is all about making it relaxed and informal.

“If you’re going to ask a guy out, it’s best to make it as nonthreatening as possible,” Lieberman says. “For example, you can invite him to a gathering of some sort – like a party or a meeting of a club – where it’s not going to be one-on-one, like a real date.”

These types of group events are easy ways to test the waters and avoid any awkward situations. They’ll create a more informal setting for the two of you, and with other people around, it’s much less intimidating.

Lieberman’s second tip is to keep it simple and remove all of the pressure.

“Be very casual when you ask a guy out,” Lieberman says. “You can say something like, ‘Hey, I heard there was going to be a cool party at my dorm tomorrow night. Do you want to drop by?’ If he gets [a] deer-in-headlights look, quickly backpedal and say you just remembered you’re supposed to be somewhere else right now. Wave goodbye and say, ‘You can call me if you want to go.’ Then, if he never mentions it again, don’t push it.”

 

Taking a relationship from flirting to dating is always tricky. Even if your crush might be a little shy, that doesn’t mean you two have to be stuck in relationship limbo. As a confident collegiette, never be afraid to go for it and ask him out!

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