Can we let you in on a little secret? You know those fantastically crazy sex tips you read every month in women’s magazines? Well, you and your friends aren’t laughing hysterically at them because it’s three in the morning and you’re deliriously nursing your third cup of coffee in order to pull off the highly sought-after sleepover all-nighter. You’re laughing because, sometimes, they’re just downright funny. And crazy. Did we mention crazy?
It can be hard to comprehend the depths to which writers go in order to come up with the sex tips that these magazines publish. When they involve everything from an inevitably ill-fated attempt at slow motion to an incredibly awkward sweat licking session, it seems odd to acknowledge them as serious pieces of advice.
A couple months ago we surveyed a panel of college guys to see what they thought about ten of the craziest sex tips we found in Cosmopolitan and Redbook. (Read it here!) It was the perfect long-awaited peek into a guy’s psyche. But, guess what? It’s time for the girls to have their say.
Let us reintroduce you to the crazy sex tips. They’ll either lead you to a hot and heavy night of passion or a silly and sticky night of giggles.
A. On a hot night, lick the salt off of each other’s sweaty bodies.
B. Run a rolling pin over his back and thighs during an erotic massage.
C. While you’re making out, use sour belt candies to playfully whip each other’s butts.
D. Heat up some massage oil and put it into a turkey baster. Then, use the baster to draw shapes, spell out naughty words, or create trails on his body – from his neck, over his arms, then down his back, butt, and legs.
E. Start by stacking six hair scrunchies on top of each other over his package. Then, remove them one by one using your lips and tongue.
F. Create your own erotic story. With hoochymail.com, you can send your partner a personalized sexy story starring just the two of you.
G. Begin with a slightly melted ice cube in your mouth. Kiss your guy and pass it back and forth. As it gets smaller and smaller, hide it in different places so he has to try to find it with his tongue.
H. Want to turn him on in ten words or less? This naughty text will do it. “I was a BAD GIRL and spent my lunch hour shopping. You can spank me later.”
I. Stage a sprinkler seduction. Wear one of his regular white t-shirts and skip the bra. Then, run in slo-mo through the sprinkler. Be sure to do a head toss and shake out your hair when you get to the other side.
J. Warm up a chocolate bar in the microwave for 15 seconds or until it’s gooey around the edges but not totally melted. Stand in the tub without the water or on top of an old sheet and have him use the bar to draw a trail down your body. Ask him to lick it up without lifting his tongue off of your skin.