Are Guys Intimidated by Success? Why the Girl Who Has Everything Doesn't Have a Boyfriend

What I got from this "article":

Don't be someone who can't talk about anything but work or school. Have a life outside of work/school, show your personality, don't be embarrassed of your nerdy hobbies/interests, be real...

Then there's the whole thing about how she still should let her man be masculine, though. No, that doesn't mean be submissive and act like you can't help yourself. I believe guys would rather be with strong, intelligent women than hopelessly dainty & ditzy women. But you should still establish a balance so he can treat you like a lady instead of acting like you don't need any guy because your sooo independent all the time. Let him pay the bill sometimes, even though you know you can pay it yourself. Are you dumbing yourself down by doing this? Certainly not. He knows you can take care of yourself (and that you most likely can take care of him. But he wants to be able to take care of you, too. You just have to let him have a chance to do so once in awhile, which is what I the article really tried to mean about the whole let him be masculine thing. It's more about creating a good balance.

Oh, reading Steve Harvey's "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" is helpful, too.

My contention is to understand that men need to feel needed, and yes, they feel threatened by a woman who is so successful and independent that she does not need him. And again, I clearly said that "A woman should never dumb herself down" and that she cannot be tough, cold, or business-like in a romantic relationship/partnership because it won't succeed, she won't be happy, she won't be fulfilled and she won't respect her weak man. Whether or not that matches one's wishes or ideals is irrelevant; beware of confusing the desire to be right with the reality of being happy.

One person commented here: "There's a difference between allowing your partner to take the lead in turns and demanding that women always be the vulnerable one in the relationship....But Wanis does not deserve his doctorate if he's reading that to mean that a woman must be emotional and vulnerable in order to be attractive." I never stated nor demanded that "women always be the vulnerable one in the relationship." Having said that, love and intimacy can never be experienced by either partner (male or female) without vulnerability. Without emotional vulnerability, the relationship becomes a business partnership or contract and never a romantic partnership. The only way people can bond is via emotional experiences and this cannot occur without vulnerability.

With regards to claims that my approach or that of Evan Katz is sexist, we need to be clear about what sexism is:

Sexism involves hatred of, or prejudice towards a gender as a whole or the blind application of gender stereotypes. Sexism is often associated with gender-supremacy arguments.

Nowhere do I claim that one gender is superior to another but by refusing to see, accept and appreciate the gender differences, needs and characteristics, you are devaluing both genders.

And for the women that believe there should not be any form of gender roles or stereotypes, then consider if you would be happy in a relationship with a man who has no ambition, is less intelligent than you, less successful than you. less educated than you or not educated at all, and is happy to stay at home to raise the children while you work to provide for the family. One of my clients did that for almost 3 years until her resentment of her husband led her to throw him out - even though, that was the way she had established the relationship.

Women are gaining much more power than men. Read my two articles below.
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/women-are-taking-over/
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/how-stupid-are-men/
Women are becoming more educated than men, they make up 85% of all consumer purchases, and there are numerous women leading nations - Germany, Australia, Argentina and Iceland. Meanwhile, men are now being stereotyped as a stupid idiot – inept, bumbling and clearly inferior to women. Female empowerment does not arise out of a feeling of superiority. Nor has the result been positive for men, women or relationships with the CDC reporting that more women are becoming increasingly depressed than men. Movies like SATC 2 and celebrities such as Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian are classic examples of the woman who now focuses only on satisfying her own desires, amassing riches and wealth, becoming extremely successful and independent but unable to form meaningful relationships and ultimately feeling unfulfilled.

David M. Buss is a professor of psychology at The University of Texas at Austin, known for his evolutionary psychology research on human sex differences in mate selection; he has written “The Evolution Of Desire: Strategies Of Human Mating”, “Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy Is As Necessary As Love and Sex” and “Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge”. Professor Buss says studies of women’s mating criteria consistently show that intelligence is valued by women: “Women are indeed attracted to intelligent men, and in fact marry men on average 4 IQ points higher than their own.”

Anthropologist April Gorry, a social scientist at the University of California at Santa Barbara, in her thesis (1999) studied women who had affairs with men in Belize. She noted that modern women were attracted to the competent, strong men, rather than the token man – “the drones and eunuchs found in the Western workplace” (a phrase given to Western men by Jeanette Belliveau – author of “Romance on the Road.”)

Dr. Gorry also revealed that women were highly attracted to men who displayed mastery over their environment – in stark contrast to the Western TV commercials that feature men who have no mastery whatsoever over their environment (household.)

April Gorry also analyzed the character traits of the heroes of 45 highly successful romance novels, written by and for women, and she found that:

45 of the 45 heroes were muscular, 44 handsome, 42 strong, 35 large, 40 sexually bold, 39 calm, 39 confident and 38 were described as explicitly intelligent. Not one hero was described as unintelligent.

One person commented here on this site: "You should strike a balance that works in your relationship, which does not necessarily need to conform to socially constructed gender roles." And so, before stating what you believe to be sexist or stereotypical of genders, consider which romance and fantasy movies you watch and to which roles for women you aspire. Do you dream of the fantasy wedding - a la The Royals or the Kardashians? Who has created, is responsible for and supports these "socially constructed gender roles"?

And I do agree, that balance is always the answer - and a balance between ideals and reality - between being right and being happy. Consider your own parents relationship and what worked and what didn't work.

Finally, may I humbly suggest you speak with older, independent successful women who are struggling to find romance, the right partner and a successful relationship; wisdom can be gleaned from their experiences.

Patrick

My contention is to understand that men need to feel needed, and yes, they feel threatened by a woman who is so successful and independent that she does not need him. And again, I clearly said that "A woman should never dumb herself down" and that she cannot be tough, cold, or business-like in a romantic relationship/partnership because it won't succeed, she won't be happy, she won't be fulfilled and she won't respect her weak man. Whether or not that matches one's wishes or ideals is irrelevant; beware of confusing the desire to be right with the reality of being happy.

One person commented here: "There's a difference between allowing your partner to take the lead in turns and demanding that women always be the vulnerable one in the relationship....But Wanis does not deserve his doctorate if he's reading that to mean that a woman must be emotional and vulnerable in order to be attractive." I never stated nor demanded that "women always be the vulnerable one in the relationship." Having said that, love and intimacy can never be experienced by either partner (male or female) without vulnerability. Without emotional vulnerability, the relationship becomes a business partnership or contract and never a romantic partnership. The only way people can bond is via emotional experiences and this cannot occur without vulnerability.

With regards to claims that my approach or that of Evan Katz is sexist, we need to be clear about what sexism is:

Sexism involves hatred of, or prejudice towards a gender as a whole or the blind application of gender stereotypes. Sexism is often associated with gender-supremacy arguments.

Nowhere do I claim that one gender is superior to another but by refusing to see, accept and appreciate the gender differences, needs and characteristics, you are devaluing both genders.

And for the women that believe there should not be any form of gender roles or stereotypes, then consider if you would be happy in a relationship with a man who has no ambition, is less intelligent than you, less successful than you. less educated than you or not educated at all, and is happy to stay at home to raise the children while you work to provide for the family. One of my clients did that for almost 3 years until her resentment of her husband led her to throw him out - even though, that was the way she had established the relationship.

Women are gaining much more power than men. Read my two articles below.
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/women-are-taking-over/
http://patrickwanis.com/blog/index.php/how-stupid-are-men/
Women are becoming more educated than men, they make up 85% of all consumer purchases, and there are numerous women leading nations - Germany, Australia, Argentina and Iceland. Meanwhile, men are now being stereotyped as a stupid idiot – inept, bumbling and clearly inferior to women. Female empowerment does not arise out of a feeling of superiority. Nor has the result been positive for men, women or relationships with the CDC reporting that more women are depressed than men. Movies like SATC 2 and celebrities such as Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian are classic examples of the woman who now focuses only satisfying her own desires,, amassing riches and wealth, becoming extremely successful and independent but unable to form meaningful relationships and ultimately feeling unfulfilled.

David M. Buss is a professor of psychology at The University of Texas at Austin, known for his evolutionary psychology research on human sex differences in mate selection; he has written “The Evolution Of Desire: Strategies Of Human Mating”, “Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy Is As Necessary As Love and Sex” and “Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge”. Professor Buss says studies of women’s mating criteria consistently show that intelligence is valued by women: “Women are indeed attracted to intelligent men, and in fact marry men on average 4 IQ points higher than their own.”

Anthropologist April Gorry, a social scientist at the University of California at Santa Barbara, in her thesis (1999) studied women who had affairs with men in Belize. She noted that modern women were attracted to the competent, strong men, rather than the token man – “the drones and eunuchs found in the Western workplace” (a phrase given to Western men by Jeanette Belliveau – author of “Romance on the Road.”)

Dr. Gorry also revealed that women were highly attracted to men who displayed mastery over their environment – in stark contrast to the Western TV commercials that feature men who have no mastery whatsoever over their environment (household.)

April Gorry also analyzed the character traits of the heroes of 45 highly successful romance novels, written by and for women, and she found that:

45 of the 45 heroes were muscular, 44 handsome, 42 strong, 35 large, 40 sexually bold, 39 calm, 39 confident and 38 were described as explicitly intelligent. Not one hero was described as unintelligent.

One person commented here on this site: "You should strike a balance that works in your relationship, which does not necessarily need to conform to socially constructed gender roles." And so, before stating what you believe to be sexist or stereotypical of genders, consider which romance and fantasy movies you watch and to which roles for women you aspire. Do you dream of the fantasy wedding - a la The Royals or the Kardashians? Who has created, is responsible for and supports these "socially constructed gender roles"?

And I do agree, that balance is always the answer - and a balance between ideals and reality - between being right and being happy. Consider your own parents relationship and what worked and what didn't work.

Finally, may I humbly suggest you speak with older, independent successful women who are struggling to find romance, the right partner and a successful relationship; wisdom can be gleaned from their experiences.

Patrick

“A woman should never dumb herself down,” says Wanis, “but she should allow the man to feel masculine, and that means letting him occasionally take the lead. I'm not saying you should allow him to control you or that you should be perpetually submissive, but sometimes, you should let the man be a man.”
I'm appalled that this is message you're sending to young women. You should strike a balance that works in your relationship, which does not necessarily need to conform to socially constructed gender roles. This traditional view of masculinity is extremely harmful to ending sexism.

I really think you need to interview someone other than Wanis. There's a difference between allowing your partner to take the lead in turns and demanding that women always be the vulnerable one in the relationship. A relationship should be a team; naturally it is not going to be successful when one person is constantly overpowering the other person. But Wanis does not deserve his doctorate if he's reading that to mean that a woman must be emotional and vulnerable in order to be attractive. It makes me sad that this is the message HerCampus is sending to readers. Women should not be made to feel that they must compromise their personalities to be in a relationship.