Always Feeling Like You Need A Guy: What's With This?

In response to "I have sex because I like it" who writes:

"Just because a girl wants to have multiple sexual partners does not mean that she is insecure, or that she has had a bad relationship with her father. It doesn't mean that she doesn't understand how men think (because, let's be real, carnal desire is universal) or that she is afraid of being alone. I am not alright with this article generalizing the sexual behaviors of college women, or any class of women, and attributing it to ridiculous psychobabble reasoning."

First, I stated that you have to ask yourself what you want deep down inside—“hot wild sex or validation from the guy?” That comment accounts for your behavior with multiple partners.
Second, you are "generalizing the sexual behaviors of college women, or any class of women" by your response assuming that your experiences and desires are representative or indicative of all women or college women.
Third, you are offering anecdotal evidence i.e. your own experience as validation of an argument and stating therefore, that any other arguments are psychobabble.
Now let's look at the research:

A study in the US and New Zealand which followed 820 girls during their childhood from pre- kindergarten to age 18 reveals that fathers are the greatest risk factor for daughter’s early sexual activity and adolescent pregnancy. Another study of 10,000 girls reveals that “Girls who have poor relationships with their dads tend to seek attention from other males at earlier ages and often this will involve a sexual relationship.” The CDC in 2008 revealed that 25% percent of teen girls have a sexually transmitted disease, and now, HIV is the fastest growing disease among teen girls. I have been teaching for more than a decade that a girl’s childhood relationship with her father will affect the quality of her adult relationships with men, her sexual activity, self-esteem, weight, success in life and happiness. Linda Nielsen, professor of adolescent psychology and women’s studies at Wake Forest University in North Carolina, has been teaching a “Fathers and Daughters” course since 1990, conducting research among her college students for almost 20 years and she comes to these same conclusions.

Do you believe your experience offers greater insights than studies conducted over 18 years, studies conducted with 10,000 girls and the work of a professor teaching and researching for more than 20 years? You are also discounting all of the work by every therapist who deals with women on a daily basis. Remember, one person's experience, consciousness or phase in life never represents the truth for everyone else for such a conclusion would be "absurdly insolent" and ignorant.

All the best,
Patrick

So basically, women should have high self-worth and self-respect, but are discouraged from "chasing" men and should instead wait until they are called/texted/reached out to by a man....wow, good thing the feminist movement wasn't completely lost on future generations!

The sentiment of this article seems to be vaguely well-meaning, but relies on idiotic generalizations about men and women. Healthy relationships aren't about playing games or fitting into gendered stereotypes of how one should act in order to attract a partner. If you're not being treated as an equal or receiving the same amount of respect and attention you're giving the other person from the get-go, it's not because you need to "have some mystery", it's because the other person is not treating you the way you would presumably want to be treated in a loving, healthy relationship!

I would just like to say that I did not have any kind of relationship with my father, yet I am not insecure about myself or my relations with my partners. Not everyone is like that, that is what the article is trying to bringt to light. Some women might have horrible relationships with their fathers and because of that use sex as a source of validation from men. Maybe this is 5% of people, but it happens to women around the world. Sure there are plently that are well adjusted and can have causal sex and understand that if you want a true relationship you're not going to find that special someone in a bar or a club. I have met these girls, lived with them, one is even a sorority sister who can't be without a guy in their life, ever. Whether or not their relationships with their fathers has anything to do with their behaviour the bottom line remains, there are women that need a man's approval and what Erica is trying to get across is that is not what women need. They need approval from within themselves, and that itself is something not every woman can come to terms with.

Just because a girl wants to have multiple sexual partners does not mean that she is insecure, or that she has had a bad relationship with her father. It doesn't mean that she doesn't understand how men think (because, let's be real, carnal desire is universal) or that she is afraid of being alone. I am not alright with this article generalizing the sexual behaviors of college women, or any class of women, and attributing it to ridiculous psychobabble reasoning.

Exhibit A: myself. Having multiple sexual partners is a way for me to get out there and experience different styles of sex with different people. It's exciting and fun when you do it safely and with realistic expectations. Any girl (like Claire) who expects to find love at a bar or after sleeping with a stranger, is not being realistic. If I wanted to love and cherish someone in a monogamous relationship, I would not expect it to stumble across me at a sleazy bar.

Additionally, I, like every single human being, have my insecurities, but I do not sleep around because I am insecure. Casual sex is for fun, not for self-esteem boosting.

I have and have always had a relatively perfect relationship with my father. There has never been any sort of textbook psychological abnormalities in our relationship. He is supportive, caring, and loving and has let me be my own person in every way imaginable.

Furthermore, not all men think the same way. To say that a woman expects more from a "hook-up buddy" after casual sex because she "doesn't understand the way men think" is absurdly insolent, and puts men on a pedestal. This statement patronizes a woman's ability to assess her own actions, implying that she acts rashly and loosely because she couldn't possibly understand how men just want casual sex.

This article is unbelievably presumptuous and is full of uninformed psychobabble. I am unimpressed and actually, quite disappointed in HerCampus for letting this article go live.