When Friends Offend: What to Do About Friendship Faux Pas

It can be hard to part with a dress for a night when you know that your friend won’t return it until weeks later.  And it can be equally agitating to lay out money for a girlfriend knowing that she probably won’t get around to paying you back anytime soon.  As much as we might love our BFFs, sometimes our relationships become tainted by those annoying things that aren’t really a big deal, but still tend to bother us.  And the longer they go unacknowledged, the more unbearable they seem to become.  Whether you’re a friendship faux pas offender or victim, tension can arise between you and your besties and can really take a toll on even the strongest friendships.  Here are the friend-peeves that really bug use, and how to solve them:
 

When she thinks it’s okay to use all of your stuff, all of the time.  
When she’s asking to borrow everything from your hairdryer to your textbooks to your clothes, you run the risk of losing track of your own belongings – not to mention having a pile of dirty laundry from two people.  Instead of lending her everything you own, find out why she insists on borrowing your things so often.  Friendship expert Dr. Levine suggests telling her clearly what she can borrow and for how long. Specific time frames and rules about what she can use might help to curb her reliance on your possessions.  Next time she asks to use your curling iron, say, “sure, but I need it back by Friday- will you be able to bring it back by then?”  If she says yes but then doesn’t, don’t lend her something the next time she asks.
 
When she tries to take advantage of you, a 21-year-old friend, to buy alcohol. 
Your 21st birthday is a reason to celebrate with friends, but it’s not a reason for your friends to rely on you to buy them alcohol.  This situation involves a person of-age providing a younger friend with alcohol, and things can get dicey.  Not only is this a presumptuous favor to ask of someone, it’s blatantly illegal.  “Explain that you are her friend but you don’t want to take the risk of doing something that may get both of you in trouble,” says Dr. Levine.  This determined drinker might have to resort to devices other than her 21-year-old friends to provide her with what she wants – or perhaps give up the habit until she can buy it herself.
 
When she is a total “player.” 
When a friend knows everything about your personal life and also happens to be close with an ex-boyfriend/friend of yours, make sure she’s really trustworthy.  Collegiette Kristie from NCSU suggests avoiding these pot-stirrers for fear of causing trouble between you and your friends or exes. If she gets information out of you and shares it with your ex behind your back, it’s time to have a chat with her.  And when you’re fighting with another friend, don’t allow her to wedge herself in the middle. Explain that playing both sides of the fence is not cool, and while it’s okay to be friends with all parties involved, it’s not okay to circulate private information between them.  This might mean not being as open with this loose-lipped friend as you have been in the past.