Even the classiest collegiettes find themselves in an argument or two. Whether it’s with your mom over your spending habits (she’s usually right about this one) or with your boyfriend over plans that he definitely forgot about (you specifically said Friday night, not Saturday), some situations just make your blood boil! However, the idea of fighting takes a dramatic turn when it’s between you and your best friend. It may sound childish, but you really don’t know how to spend a few days without telling your best friend everything. Without your partner in crime, who would you talk to about your mom’s financial lectures or your boyfriend’s forgetfulness?
Though you and your BFF are bound to have small disagreements—she might not love Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe” as much as you do—a more serious argument equals panic mode. How do you effectively solve the issue without reenacting a scene from The Hills? And how do you truly move on without fostering a pinch of resentment towards your BFF? While every fight and dynamic duo differs, we’re here to offer advice for getting through a debacle with your bestie.
The First Signs of Anger
Maybe it’s “that time of the month,” but your best friend has really been getting on your nerves. Maybe you’ve noticed that your partner in crime is flying solo lately. She takes forever to text you back and doesn’t say much. Whether she’s flaking out on your weekend plans or doesn’t go to class but expects you to give her all your notes, you’re pissed off! This isn’t unheard of; we all tend to lash out at the people we love most. “The closer we feel to people, the more able they are to hurt our feelings,” says Patti Criswell, a clinical social worker. “When our feelings or our pride is hurt, we lash out. That anger comes from a very visceral and emotional place—often causing us to say things we regret.”
You Can Get Mad, but Don’t Get Even
This may seem like common knowledge; however, we all say angry things in the heat of the moment. If your gal pal made out with your crush, should you call her a wh*re and then kiss her ex-boyfriend? Or what about if she spilled the beans and told someone your deepest, darkest secret—do you now have the OK to do the same? Absolutely not! Though getting some revenge may sound appealing at the time, you’ll regret betraying her after the two of you have patched things up.
Don’t Publicize Your Fight
You need a vent session every now and then; however, there’s a major difference between quickly mentioning your latest feud to your mom or roomie and causing a major scene. If you feel the urge to talk to a third party about your fight, avoid getting too dramatic. While it may feel good at the time, how will they view your BFF once the two of you solved your issues? Instead, just tell your confidant that you and your bestie are going through a rough patch. If you’re social media savvy, we beg of you—please don’t tweet, tumble, blog, or make a Facebook status about your latest fight. Not only will you receive negative attention, but also it’ll only add fuel to the fire. It’s never okay to dish about your drama on social media —leave that for Keeping Up With the Kardashians! “A much better alternative would be to exercise the 24-hour rule and do nothing for 24 hours, then re-evaluate, and, if need be, talk to the person directly,” says Criswell. If you really need to write down every single thought and feeling you have during this trying time, invest in a diary.