Remember that girl in high school who was in every single club photo in the yearbook? She threw herself into three sports teams, the band, the drama club, and National Honors Society. On top of her hectic extra-curriculars, this girl maintained a high GPA and graduated with honors. And this is not an exaggeration; it’s the true story of a girl named Andrea. “My friends called me ‘O.A.,’ short for ‘over-achiever,’ as everything had to be perfect and done my way,” Andrea admits.
As a freshman at Western Michigan University, Andrea tried to keep the stress-free schedule she never had in high school. But by the time her sophomore year rolled around, Andrea had returned to her old habits. By her senior year, she was the president of Kappa Phi, a Fall Welcome Ambassador, an editor and writer of the WMU branch of Her Campus, a member of several on-campus clubs, held two part-time jobs and an internship, and managed a full course load. “I was always told to not take on too many things like I did in high school, but I just couldn’t stop. My organization skills and time management were amazing, but my health was catching up,” she says. Before long, Andrea was hospitalized with ulcerative colitis brought on by stress.
Although Andrea graduated from WMU in May 2010, her health problems have persisted. Between working part-time, searching for a full-time job, planning her upcoming wedding with her fiancé, and staying involved with Her Campus and Kappa Phi, among other activities, she doesn’t have much time to relax. She explains, “I don’t think I will ever stop being a perfectionist, even though I know how much it hurts me.”
Jessica, a junior at the College of William & Mary, had a similar experience. “I let the stress of business school get to me to the point where I would go twenty-four hours without eating or taking breaks from homework and group projects. I didn’t trust my group members, so I ended up re-doing all of their work myself. I lost eight pounds, my skin started breaking out, and my relationship with my boyfriend revolved around stress and unhappiness. I even quit dance team, because I felt like I couldn’t be a perfect student and a perfect team member at the same time,” she says.
Andrea and Jessica aren’t alone. “I know of several students who have had emotional breakdowns and had to withdraw from school because of all the pressure,” says Chrissy Callahan, Her Campus’s Beauty Blog Editor who graduates from Brandeis this month.
So what’s the deal with perfectionism? Why is it so dangerous?
Perfectionism is more than just a need to dot your I’s and cross your T’s; it’s a state of mind characterized by “all or nothing” thinking, holding your own actions to unreasonably high standards, focusing heavily on results, and a fear of failure. For some, it’s the overwhelming need to maintain a 4.0 GPA; for others, it’s the desire to join ten different activities to appear “well-rounded.”
Psychologist Jeanne Strassburger says, “[Perfectionism] causes conflicts with your family, it takes up all your free time, it squeezes the enjoyment out of all your activities. To perfectionists, nothing is ever perfect, so they are never fully satisfied.”
Strassburger explains that perfectionists have a desire to succeed; the thought of not succeeding can make them feel anxious, so they develop a coping strategy. This coping strategy could take a variety of forms, although Strassburger notes that spending a prolonged amount of time on homework is a common manifestation. This behavior helps relieve their anxiety. She says, “When perfectionists release their tension, the loss of anxiety is their positive reinforcement, so they’re more likely to repeat that same behavior in the future. It becomes an addiction. They say, ‘I’ll rewrite [this essay] better, I’ll rewrite it longer,’ and their anxiety goes down. Once you have that feedback loop a hundred times, it’s so established that it’s a hard behavior to kick on your own.” This cycle of positive reinforcement is known as the Law of Effect, a theory put forth by psychologist Burrhus Frederic Skinner in the 1920s.
Ali Berlin, a life coach and regular contributor to Her Campus, explains, “Perfectionism in itself has a great intention: it encourages us to do our best, to reach beyond lazy limits. However, when we start identifying with the results, or our identities become dependent on the achieving perfection or the praise we expect to get from it, that can be painful.”
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Where does perfectionism come from? What can it lead to?
Some psychologists have determined that perfectionism is a personality type. Raymond Cattell, a renowned British psychologist, created the “16 Personality Factors Model” in which he identifies perfectionism as one of the “factors.” Those with high perfectionist scores on Cattell’s “16 Personality Factors” test tend to be “perfectionistic, organized, compulsive, self-disciplined, socially precise, exacting will power, control, and self-sentimental.”
However, Strassburger disagrees: “Perfectionism is a behavioral pattern where there’s some reinforcement of the habit. I wouldn’t think of it as a personality type because it can happen to anyone,” she says.
Girls who suffer from perfectionism are more likely to also suffer from OCD, depression, and eating disorders. According to Strassburger, perfectionism is a subtype of OCD; the constant anxiety and lack of satisfaction consistent with perfectionists can often lead to depression; and the cycle of releasing tension over food and body image by starving or bingeing and purging mirrors the perfectionist cycle of positive reinforcement. However, it is important to note that not all perfectionists develop these disorders; by the same token, not all girls who struggle with these disorders are perfectionists.
Are you a perfectionist?
There’s a line between liking to proofread your papers three times and being such a perfectionist that it ultimately becomes destructive. If you’re not sure whether or not you have these traits, see if any of Strassburger’s warning signs apply to you:
- Do your perfectionistic urges take up a significant amount of time?
- Can you resist the urge to be perfectionistic? If you aren’t able to complete a task to a certain degree, does that make you feel anxious?
- Most importantly, do you feel that your perfectionism is negatively affecting your life?
How can you cope with stress?
When Andrea was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, her doctor explained that the only way to get rid of the condition would be to lower her stress. Seems impossible, right? Not quite. Berlin and Strassburger share a few of their best tips to break free from your inner perfectionist:
- “On your next quiz, leave an answer blank. Answer a question wrong on purpose. Write messily on purpose. When you expose yourself to things that make you uncomfortable often enough, the anxiety just dissipates,” says Strassburger.
- Strassburger recommends seeing a therapist. Your school likely has mental health services that are used to dealing with things like this.
- “Be realistic. If you’re going to work out, work out in ways that are healthy and enjoyable. Set your sights on grades that are awesome by doing what you love. Don’t be critical of yourself if you’re not living up to the ideals of other people,” says Berlin.
At its worst, perfectionism is about more than just freaking out about the occasional grade. Ultimately, it can cross the line and become dangerous. The desire to succeed isn’t harmful in itself, but it’s not worth sacrificing your physical, mental, or emotional health in order to do so. Berlin reminds us, “Perfection is just an illusion.” So don’t worry about being perfect – just be the very best you that you can be!
Sources
Andrea, Western Michigan University ’10
Jessica, College of William & Mary ’12
Chrissy Callahan, Brandeis University ‘10
Jeanne Strassburger, PhD, Cambridge Health Alliance
Ali Berlin, www.aliberlin.com
Traits of Perfectionists
Raymond Cattell’s 16 Personality Factors
Photo Sources: 1 , 2