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Sex + Relationships

Real Live College Guy: Why is My Boyfriend Being Immature and Selfish?

We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Mark is here to help you navigate the college dating scene!

My boyfriend used to be so amazing. I went to bed feeling loved and so happy. He would do anything for me and was my best friend. We were in a LDR over the summer and I thought things were going so well. When we were together again and school started up, it’s been nonstop fighting. He’s sweet sometimes, but constantly blows me off and chooses partying over me. I no longer feel as happy and secure in our relationship, especially because we’ve been so make-up-break-up lately. He’s gotten irresponsible and immature and I’m hoping he will go back to how he used to be, but he just won’t realize how he’s changed. He thinks it’s all my fault that we are like this. I don’t want to break up at all—I love him—but it feels like I need to. Any advice for maybe getting to him and making him realize he’s being immature and selfish? – Hopeful but Hopeless


Dear Hopeful but Hopeless,

I’m sorry to hear that! I can tell you two have been together for a while. I have a friend that has been through something very similar. Rule number one: NEVER blame yourself for someone else’s choices. It takes two to be in a relationship and it isn’t fair for him to blame you for this sudden change. You know him better than anyone else—school can become a distraction because there are so many tempting things to do like partying and forgetting some of your responsibilities. But, that’s no excuse to blow you off. He should invite you to the parties or other events so you guys can do things together. You have to put your foot down. Give him an ultimatum by letting him know he either gets his act together and starts getting serious about this relationship or you’re moving on. Make him realize how good he has it with you. And trust me, he will. Enough with the make-ups and break-ups or relationship remixes as I like to call them. That gets old and tiring, and eventually people reach their breaking point and say enough!

-Mark

 

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