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Sex + Relationships

Real Live College Guy: Should I Take Back a Cheater?

We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

I dated this guy in high school for two years when we ultimately went to different colleges about 600 miles apart. I loved him so much it hurt. We were determined to do long distance, and it sort of worked for a while, but problems built, the distance just became too much and we broke up. I was happy for a while, but in the end, he wasn't treating me like I needed to be treated, despite the distance.

My only problem is that he keeps floating back in my life, and I end up heartbroken in the end. We split about two months ago and I really thought it was the last time, but I find myself missing him a lot. But in the past, he’s hurt me really badly; he lied and cheated and made me not feel confident in myself. All of my family and friends despise him.

And, speak of the devil: He contacted me about a week ago, telling me how much he wants to see me and how much he misses me. 

What should I do? Is he just lonely? I don't know if he is worth letting back into my life or not. –Confused in Kansas

You said it yourself, Kansas: In the end, he just wasn’t treating you like you “needed to be treated.”

Moreover, this guy apparently lied to you and cheated on you. Tack on the fact that your family and friends hate him… I mean, I’m sitting here right now scratching my head and asking myself why this is even a question.

Ignore his pleads for attention. It didn’t work out. For whatever reason, things interfered with his ability to stay loyal and honest, and that’s just not a relationship you want to be in. And before you even think about “just being friends,” you really need to consider if being friends with someone who cheated on you is even worth it. I’ll be honest, Kansas, I’m not big on the whole post-relationship friends thing. It’s weird, it can be awkward and, more often than not (from what I’ve seen), it leads to hook-ups and heartbreak.

He may very well be lonely, but don’t take pity on him. He screwed you over, and while it’s totally natural to miss someone, it isn’t your obligation to involve him in your life again. He made his choices, 600 miles of distance separates you two and I think it’s time for you to move on

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Dale Lavine is a 21-year-old college junior majoring in Media Studies & Political Science at Old Dominion University in Norfolk, VA. Outside of Her Campus, his words have been featured in publications such as USA Today College, Esquire, Fearless Men, CoolAppsMan.com, and The Commonwealth Times. When not penning his weekly columns, he enjoys hot showers, naps, Starbucks, and Jameson (neat). Want to know more? Need real-time relationship help? Readers are more than welcome to follow Dale on Twitter (@misterlavine).
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