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Sex + Relationships

Real Live College Guy Sean: He’s Shy And I’m Even Shyer

Broke from calling late night love lines for advice? Looking for the lowdown on the hoedown when it comes to college guys? Real Live College Guy Sean is here to help you pick apart the mind of the average college guy. Whether it’s avoiding that awkward weekend hook-up, or full-on relationship advice, Sean is here to save the day!

There’s this ridiculously gorgeous, new European athlete (it’s not all about appearance. My friend told me he’s really quiet and sweet) at my school. I can kind of tell that he’s always checking me out (because I usually happen to be checking him out at the same time) and I’ve started to notice that he does make an effort to come near/around me. But I guess I’m too intimidated by his looks, so it’s hard for me to maintain eye contact, let alone utter anything to him in an audible frequency. I mean, this is the first time I’ve been interested in someone in almost FOUR YEARS (I became a hermit once I got to college). That’s why I think I need to do something about it.  I’m the type who doesn’t bother competing for a guy I want, especially if I see or know that other girls want him. But I’m tired of playing it small and purposely going unnoticed. For once in my life, I want actively to go after someone I’m genuinely interested in getting to know. Anyway, I feel like I’m going to have to make the first move (I’ve been told that I’m difficult to read, and plus I just want to make that kind of first impression on him). Even if he’s not interested, I just want to learn how to break out of my “reserved” shell and put myself out there.  I have NO clue how to go about approaching him. Any advice? – Uhh at UMBC


So you’re looking to get back out there after a four year hiatus in the dating game. It’s time to dust off your flirting techniques, brush up on your copy of “How to Respond to His Cheesy Pick-up Lines,” and get back out there. He seems interested and you’re definitely interested. Challenge accepted.

For girls who are harder to read, it can be intimidating for many guys to make the first move. However, at least you know that already. Accordingly, the women who are hardest to read are also those who tend to appear mysterious to guys. Personally, I’m more inclined to pursue a woman if she is slightly reserved and poses a bit of a challenge. However, there is a limit to this. If you give me the cold shoulder daily and the only interaction we’ve had was “is this seat taken, there are no others in the class?” then I may find you too intimidating.

The most important thing you have to do is to trust yourself, and relax. If you want to make a bold first impression on him, don’t be afraid to simply strike up a conversation. Many guys, myself included, love when a woman is proactive like this. There’s nothing sexier than a girl who knows exactly what she wants. It doesn’t really matter where you are or what you talk about, so long as you’re positive and give off a good energy. Do you know anything about sports? Since he’s an athlete (and a guy), I’m pretty sure he’ll talk about sports at the drop of a hat. For many college guys, if a girl knows anything about sports, it’s a turn-on. Essentially, ask him anything that he can’t answer with a simple “yes” or “no.” What gets a lot of guys’ attention is conversation. Once you’re on our mind, it’s hard for us to shake you off. Just don’t ask him which side of the bed he prefers. If he’s interested, he’ll absolutely respond.

Getting back out there after a long break can be tough; so if he’s not interested in the end, don’t sweat it. After spending a lot of time off the dating market, it’s important to remember that everyone strikes out sometimes. Personally, if I had a dollar for every time I got shut down, I’d have enough to save Hostess from bankruptcy. But stick with it, don’t be afraid to laugh off your less-than-successful attempts, and just keep trying.

The best way to break out of your reserved shell is to just relax and be social. Smile more and simply be yourself. Don’t be afraid to flirt. It’s hard for a lot of guys to make the first move. As a result, it’s a major turn-on when a girl makes the first move, and if you’re as excited to jump back in as I suspect, it won’t be long before you find the right person.

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Sean is a senior at the University of Pittsburgh majoring in communications and minoring in film studies. Attending NYU in the fall to pursue a Masters in Journalism, Sean enjoys writing about virtually anything. In his time at Pitt, Sean has worked as a DJ for an automotive program on campus and abroad in London.Sean is originally from Rhode Island, which is far from Pittsburgh, but he is fond of the scenic drive. Sean likes tea instead of coffee, photography, and fire alarm testing (through his cooking). Sean also enjoys playing guitar and piano, skiing, golfing, and practical jokes. You can follow Sean on Twitter at @seanmcfarland1.
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