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Sex + Relationships

Real Live College Guy Ryan: When It’s Okay to be Possessive in a Relationship

Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.
 
This one girl always flirts with my boyfriend. He never flirts back, but he still hangs out with her all the time, even though it makes me really uncomfortable. He says she’s just being friendly, but she has told numerous people that she is trying to steal him from me. Every time I talk about it with my boyfriend, it turns into a fight and I wind up looking crazy. How can I make him realize that I am never going to be okay with this girl without seeming possessive?
– Green With Envy at Grinnell

 
You won’t. Isn’t your exact predicament signaling whose boyfriend is whose? You’ll always look possessive if you’re fighting over a guy. However, this particular guy is your boyfriend, so you have the right to be possessive. Although you don’t want to look bat-sh*t crazy when you are expressing your possessiveness.
 
If you know that this girl is trying to sneak him from under your nose, stand your ground. Let him know you’re concerned, but act civil. I don’t know how you’ve conducted your discussions, but if they’ve turned into fights, then someone (if not both of you) lost your cool at some point. Emotions weren’t worded correctly and a few fingers probably got pointed the wrong way.
 
Be calm, cool, and collected. Take a deep breath and let him know, “I don’t like this girl and I don’t like her motives.” It’ll always be a touchy topic when you’re telling him who he can and can’t hang out with. Sometimes it’ll be a lost cause because infringing on a guy’s freedom is the last thing you want to do. However, you’re legitimately concerned (if your friends’ hearsay is true) and that should elicit some sort of conversation.
 
Don’t jump down his throat. Shade your words and rhetoric in a way that opens up the discussion and then ask to hear his opinion. Asking him how he feels about the other girl and developing that into an adult conversation will make you, at the very most, appear worried—which is your exact feeling.
 
I can’t promise he’ll automatically get the message, but it’s the thought that counts. It’ll also make you seem a lot more sane compared to a woman who enjoys stealing men. That’s crazily possessive.
 

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Ryan Joseph is fancy. However, besides being fancy, he is also a) a college senior b) a journalism major and c) a student at the E.W. Scripps School of Journalism at Ohio University. He's a Bobcat, not a Buckeye (although he will always be a Buckeye at heart). A Columbus, Ohio, native, he's a diehard music and Cleveland sports fan--don't judge him based upon the latter. He is a frequent contributor to Hip-Hop website, The Smoking Section, and Ohio University campus magazine, Backdrop, but has also been an ASME 2011 intern with Field & Stream Magazine in New York City.
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