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Sex + Relationships

Real Live College Guy Ryan: Should I Tell My Boyfriend My Guy Friend Hit On Me?

Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives. College-aged men are walking paradoxes, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be understood. Read on and discover how to deal with their good, bad and (often times) confusing mannerisms.

My boyfriend and I were in different cities this summer, and it was definitely hard on our relationship. But we still love each other and wanted to be together when we got back to school (and we still are together). However, during a night out with friends this summer, a friend of mine told me he liked me and surprisingly kissed me. Don’t worry: I pulled away and told him I didn’t have feelings for him. I want to tell my boyfriend because we believe in being completely honest with each other, but since we had some problems this summer (including trust issues), I’m worried he’s just going to overreact and make it a much bigger deal than it is. Should I tell him or not? – Loving Liar at Lawrence
 

Dear Loving Liar,
 
Since this isn’t a When Harry Met Sally Situation (meaning you don’t see your best friend as anything more), how should you address your boyfriend? If honesty’s your thing, by all means tell him. However, when considering the context of your question, it would be better and wiser to let it be. Jealous boyfriends, even the ones euphemistically labeled with “trust issues”, are never ones that could handle this form of information. That sounds deceptive and morally wrong, but look at how you responded to your friend: you shied away and flat-out told him that you don’t have romantic feelings for him. It occurred, but you didn’t question your decision. In the grand scheme of things it’s a non-issue and simply a testament to your relationship dedication.
 
If you told your boyfriend, only ambiguities and paranoia would result. Instead of the exchange seeming honest and forthright, it could (and probably will) devolve into an unwanted interrogation session. Telling him is relationship napalm. There’s also the possibility that hanging out with your guy friend would become increasingly difficult in the future. Not only would your boyfriend be suspicious of any guy talking to you, the mere mention of your friend could invoke jealousy.
 
Unless you had wandering feelings for your friend, a discussion with the current beau is something you should avoid. If you did feel something toward the guy friend, don’t feel guilty. If that were the case, I’d say a complete relationship reevaluation would be necessary as you’re probably with the wrong gentleman. However, that’s not the case here. Forget about what happened and move forward.
 

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Ryan Joseph is fancy. However, besides being fancy, he is also a) a college senior b) a journalism major and c) a student at the E.W. Scripps School of Journalism at Ohio University. He's a Bobcat, not a Buckeye (although he will always be a Buckeye at heart). A Columbus, Ohio, native, he's a diehard music and Cleveland sports fan--don't judge him based upon the latter. He is a frequent contributor to Hip-Hop website, The Smoking Section, and Ohio University campus magazine, Backdrop, but has also been an ASME 2011 intern with Field & Stream Magazine in New York City.
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