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Sex + Relationships

Real Live College Guy Joey: To-the-Point Answers to 5 of Your Love Life Questions

Need polite, concise, pop culture-laden answers to your guy problemas? Our Real Live College Guy Joey (not to be confused with our other Real Live College Guy, Joe) will answer any and all questions about relationships and that ever-elusive beast, the male species, with thoughtfulness and (fingers-crossed) humor.
Why would a guy randomly hug me and tell me I smell good, compliment everything from my hat to my laptop, play with my necklace and then invite me to watch a movie with him, and less than a week after that become distant? Did he ever “like” me? –Perplexed at Pomona

This guy clearly likes the chase and isn’t so much for the win. A la Seth Cohen in his tragically cute relationship with Summer Roberts. (OC reference, anyone? No… Fine.) The unfortunate fact is that guys are flirts, and this guy here? Quite the flirt. I think you probably caught his eye under the flattering fluorescence of the dining hall and once you guys actually hung out he got bored. Harsh? Fair. But probably true.

In casual conversations, how can you tell if a guy is just being friendly or if he thinks you’re cute and is interested in more? –Wondering at Williams

Psychology 101: watch for body language. Typically, if I’m trying to impress someone I tend to act uninterested and flex my arms while stretching, etc. Shallow? Definitely. True? You bet. Don’t be afraid to flirt back, even if he is just in the friend zone. What’s the worst that can happen? Nada. Touch his arm, play with his hair, compliment his work or clothes, etc. If he reciprocates he’s probably into you as well, if he backs off then nothing lost and nothing gained.
My boyfriend asked me to watch porn with him! Why would he do that? What should I do? –Freaked at Framingham State

I’m just going to go “there.” He’s probably bored with your sex life. Which is fair! It can get boring if it’s constantly the same routine. However, instead of agreeing and sitting there in mutual torment while some floozy moans and groans, watch it on your own or look up pointers online on how to spice up your sex life. This way you probably get to the heart of the issue, blessedly without logging onto XTube.

My boyfriend told me he loved me but I didn’t say it back. I didn’t want to say it back unless I was 100% sure. But now I’m scared he is going to be mad at me. What do you think? –Can’t-say-three-little-words in Cambridge

Never say something you aren’t sure of. What if you do and then come to regret it?? That’s doing no one any favors. Watch your nearest The CW sitcom to learn that (OK! Fine! I’m a sucker for teenage angst!) unfortunate fact. Instead of brushing it off, talk it out! Honesty is always the best policy. And, if he gets upset that you’re being honest with him, the jerk needs a good talking to anyways.
One night I did more with a guy than I usually do the first time we hook up. He left right after and didn’t ask for my number! Why are guys so rude? –Over-exposed at Oberlin

Ahh… Now here’s the age-old question. Why are guys jerks? I don’t even think Plato knows the answer for that one. However, my suggestion to friends is don’t be limited by societal norms! Text him! It’s the 21st Century! Lose the bloomers and the corset and run free through the nearest meadow. Ask HIM if he wants to hang out again. If he says no? Dude’s a moron. But there’s always the chance he’ll say yes. As for his reaction to your hook-up, he probably thought it was commonplace for you and thought you’d want just as much as he did. On the other hand, he could just be a jerk… And, if that’s the case? Lesson learned, right?

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Joey is a writing student with a minor in art history at Emerson College in Boston, Massachusetts. He is originally from Maine and enjoys living close to home. Joey spent the majority of his sophomore year studying abroad and getting lost in the dive-bars and art museums of Europe. Joey enjoys skiing, writing, reading, and exercising. His favorite things are Harry Potter, live music, and art.
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